Table of Contents
Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire.
Gilligan’s Island, The Real Story
Hark the Harriet Spinsters Sing
He Ought to Be Publicly Pissed Upon
He’s Got the Whole Bitch In His Hands
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s Off to the Burlesque Show
I Don’t Want to Be a Housewife. 254
I Don’t Want to Join the Navy. 255
I Saw Mommy Fucking Santa Claus. 84
I’m Dreaming of a Pink Pussy. 85
I’ve Got a Start on a Twelve-Inch Hard On. 266
My One Tit Hangs Down to My Two Tit. 284
Oh Little Mug of Lager Beer. 89
Orlandos InterAmericas Hash Song. 295
Over the River And Through the Woods. 298
PLACE YOUR RIGHT LEG OVER MY SHOULDER.. 24
Put Your Leg Over My Shoulder. 288
Santa Claus is Coming to Town. 90
She Ain’t Gonna Fuck No More. 331
The Twelve Days of Christmas. 92
The Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas. 96
THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON.. 21
THIS IS YOUR DOWN-DOWN SONG.. 19
Traditional Down Down Song II. 56
Traditional Down Down Song III. 56
Traditional Down Down Song. 35
Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Hasher. 375
Walkin’ ‘Round in Womens’ Underwear
When Johnny Comes Marching Home
When the End of the Month Rolls Around
Whip It Out at the BALL GAME.. 33
Whip It Out at the Ball Game. 388
WHY WAS HE (SHE) BORN SO BEAUTIFUL.. 11
Why Was He (She) Born So Beautiful?. 39
Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner. 265
You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hasher
Your Hand Was Made To Stroke My Gland
Hash Hymnal
BEER PRAYER
Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barmen.
The Dayton Song
Searching hard, to no avail.
Where the hell’s the fucking trail.
We’re from Dayton, so give us a beer.
Heaven knows, we’re half wits.
We just want to see your tits.
We’re from Dayton, so give us a beer.
We just want to say, hey, DECOC all the way.
Naked fire jumping makes us hot. Woo!
We’re a drunken crew, and we know Steamer too.
We’re from Dayton, so give us a beer.
Bless these hares,
Bless this trail,
Coppus no catch us,
Farmer no shoot us,
Doggus no bite us,
Heatus no stroke us,
Plenty of cold beer to drink,
Coitus non interruptus.
AMAZING BEER
Melody – Amazing Grace
A – maz – ing beer,
A taste profound,
A whole keg just for thee!
The pack is lost,
But home you’ve found,
The beer check you can see.
WHY WAS HE (SHE) BORN SO BEAUTIFUL
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He’s no fucking use to anyone,
He’s no fucking use at all.
He may be a joy to his mother
But he’s a pain in the asshole to me.
Drink it down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
Melody – Frere Jacques
We’ve got virgins, We’ve got virgins,
At our hash, At our hash,
Gonna get’em drunked up,
Gonna get’em fucked up,
Down the hatch,
Up the ass,
So drink it down, down, down
Melody – Amen
Hymn, hymn, (Her, her,)
Fuck him . . . (Fuck her )…
RA: And what did we think about those hares?
CHORUS:
RA: And the hares,
Circle: And the hares,
RA: And the hares,
Circle: And the hares,
ALL: And the hares,
On her dicky-di-doe,
Hangs down to her knees.
One black one, one white one,
And one with a bit of shit on,
And one with a little light on,
to show us the way.
RA: And the hares,
Circle: And the hares,
RA: And the hares,
ALL: And the hares,
On her dicky-di-doe,
Hung down to her knees.
Well, the wiggle on her ass could make a dead man cum
And the nipples on her tits are as big as my thumb
She’s a mean motherfucker
She’s a great cocksucker
She’s a harriette
and she goes down, down, down, down…..
Do, the stuff that buys me beer.
Re, The guy that serves me beer.
Me, the guy that drinks the beer.
Fa, a long long way to beer.
So, I think I’ll have a beer.
La, I’ll have another beer.
Tea, No thanks I’m drinking beer.
Which brings us back to down, down, down, down…
Melody – Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder
Off we go,
Into the wild blue yonder.
Crash and burn,
Son of a bitch!!
He’s the meanest,
He sucks the horse’s penis,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
Ever since he found it,
All he does is pound it,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
He’s always pissing on us,
He’s rotten and dishonest,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
So drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, he’s the meanest he’s a horses ASS!
Melody – Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom Te-Ay
This is your Down-Down song,
It isn’t very long.
Drink it down, down down.
Down, down, down, down, down….
Melody – Itself
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON
Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot,
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Put it in your mouth Mrs. Murphy.
It only weighs a quarter of a pound (if that).
It’s got hair on it’s neck,
like a turkey-turkey-turkey
and it cums when you stroke it up and
down, down, down, down….
My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my foreskin
My foreskin hangs down to my knee.
CHORUS:
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me, for me.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foreskin for me.
Drinking down, down, down, down….
PLACE YOUR RIGHT LEG OVER MY SHOULDER
Place your right leg over my …shoulder.
Place your left leg over my ….shoulder.
(with tongue out)
NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM……..NUM NUM
Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It’s so speedy and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat your mom;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.
Melody – Flintstones Theme
Hashers, meet the hashers,
They’re the biggest drunks in history,
From the Kitsap Area,
They’re the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She’d get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Here’s to brother (sister) hasher,
Brother hasher, brother hasher,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
He’s happy, he’s jolly,
He’s fucked up by golly,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
Chorus:
Free beer for all the hashers
Free beer for all the hashers
Free beer for all the hashers
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.
Verse:
Jesus can’t can’t go hashing cuz…
he’s hung like THIS (holds arms stretched out wide)
Jesus can’t can’t go hashing cuz…
he’s hung like THIS.
Jesus can’t can’t go hashing cuz…
he’s hung like THIS.
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.
Repeat Chorus
Jesus can’t go hashing cuz…
…his dress is white not red
…he’s only wearing sandals
…he gave up beer for Lent
…he turns the flour to bread
…he’s busy getting nailed
…the Jew won’t pay 5 bucks
…the flour falls through his hands
…the shiggys on his head
(Head? Who said head?)
…he’s stuck behind a rock
…the beer falls out his side
…cause he runs like this
(hopping, one foot to the other,
with arms stretched wide.)
…his dad knows all the checks
… Jesus we’re only kidding
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.
Karma karma karma Chlamydia
It comes and goes
It comes and goooooes
Lovin isn’t easy
if your stuck with an STD
It burns to pee
Ii burns to peeeeeee
He wanks his crank in the morning
He wanks his crank in the night
He wanks his crank with his left hand
and he cleans it up with his right.
So drink it down, down, down . . .
Whip it out at the ball game
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it peanuts and crackerjack
I don’t care if you give it a whack
Because it’s
Beat your meat at the ball game
If you don’t cum it’s a shame
It’s one, two
And you’re covered in goo
At the old ball game.
Drink it down, down, down, down…
Melody – Zicky Zacky
Shiggy Soggy, Shiggy Soggy,
ON-ON-ON!
Shiggy Soggy, Shiggy Soggy,
ON-ON-ON!
Drink it down, down, down …..
Here’s to brother hasher, he’s true blue.
He’s a hasher through and through,
He’s a pisspot so they say.
Tried to get to heaven,
But he went the other way.
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue or go to “Why Are We Waiting”)
(Melody: Oh, Come All Ye Faithful)
Why are we waiting,
Could be masturbating,
Oh, why are we wa-ai-ting,
So fuck-ing long.
Why are we wait-ing,
Could be fornicating,
Oh, why-y are we wait-ing?
Oh, why-y are we wait-ing?
Oh, why-y are we wait-ing,
So fucking long!
(repeat as needed)
(Cleaner version for public singing.)
Why are we wait-ing,
Why-y are we waiting,
Oh, why are we wa-ai-ting
So bloody long?
Why are we wait-ing,
Why-y are we wa-ai-ting?
Oh, why-y are we wait-ing?
Oh, why-y are we wait-ing? Oh, why-y are we
wait-ing,
So bloody long?
He Ought to Be Publicly Pissed Upon
Done to humble a hasher, usually after a down
down song, but sometimes as the down down
song.
He (she) ought to be publicly pissed upon.
He (she) ought to be publicly shot (Bang Bang!)
He (she) ought to be tied to a urinal
And kept there to fester and rot.
(Sometimes mooning the recipient)
(If used as a down down song:)
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue until down down is finished,
or go into “Why are you waiting”.)
Why Was He (She) Born So Beautiful?
Why was he (she) born so beautiful,
Why was he (she) born at all.
He’s (she’s) no fucking use to anyone,
He’s (she’s) no fucking use at all.
He (she) might be a joy to his (her) mother, But
he’s (she’s) a pain in the asshole to me!
(Sometimes mooning the recipient)
(If used as a down down song:)
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue until down down is finished, or go
into “Why are you waiting”.)
(Alternate verse to a harriette)
Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born a bitch?
She’s no bloody use to anyone,
She’s only got one tit.
He’s the meanest,
He sucks the horse’s penis,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
He’s always pissing on us,
He’s rotten and dishonest,
He’s the meanest,
He’s a horse’s ass.
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue or go to “Why Are We Waiting”)
(Melody: Ach, Du; Lieber Augustin)
Here’s to brother hasher(s),Brother hasher(s),
brother hasher(s),
Here’s to brother hasher(s),
May he (they) chug-a-lug.
He’s (Their) happy, he’s (their) jolly,
He’s (Their) fucked up by golly,
Here’s to brother hasher(s),
May he (they) chug-a-lug.
So drink motherfucker(s),
Drink motherfucker(s),
Drink motherfucker(s),
Drink motherfucker(s),
Here’s to brother hasher(s),
May he (they) chug-a-lug.
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue until down down is finished,
or go into “Why are you waiting”.)
Ola zooma zooma zooma,
Ola zooma zooma chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!
Used when someone screws up, a popular vote
to encourage a down down. This is also used as
a replacement for “Down down down down”
while waiting for a slow drinker.
Shiggy-Shaggy, Shiggy-Shaggy
Oi! Oi! Oi!
Shiggy-Shaggy, Shiggy-Shaggy
Oi! Oi! Oi! etc…
(Continue until down down is completed.)
(Melody: The Flintstones)
Hashers, meet the Hashers,
They’re the biggest drunks in history.
From the hash of (your hash or city here),
They’re the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years.
Watch them, as they down a lot of beers.
(same tune as first four lines)
Down down, down down down down,
Down, down down down down down down,
down, down.
Down down, down down down down,
Down, down down down down down down,
down, down!
(Repeat until down down is finished,
or go into “Why are you waiting”.)
(Melody: Addams Family)
Their drinking is compulsive and,
Their running is convulsive.
They’re morally repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers.
Chorus
(Snap fingers twice with words “Down Down”)
Da da da da, Down Down.
Da da da da, Down Down.
Da da da daa, Da da da daa,
Da da da da, Down Down.
Their flatulence is rude and,
Their genitals protrude when,
They’re running in nude in,
The Hash House Harriers.
They’re always shiggy tracking,
From constantly bushwhacking,
Intelligence they’re lacking,
The Hash House Harriers.
Down, down, down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down, down, down.
(Continue until down down is finished,
or go into “Why are you waiting”.)
(Melody: Jingle Bells)
Another, more seasonal, down down alternative.
Dashing down the trail,
With the hashers on your tail,
With whistles blowing near,
You make it to the beer! Ohhhh…
Down down beer,
Down down beer,
Down down all the way.
Lift that mug of Christmas cheer,
And drink the hasher way-ay!
Down down beer,
Down down beer,
Down down all the way.
Lift that mug of Christmas cheer,
And drink the hasher way-ay!
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue or go to “Why Are We Waiting”)
(Melody: Where, Oh Where Are You Tonight from
Hee Haw)
Where, oh where were you hashing last time?
Why did you leave us here all alone?
We hashed the world over,
While you tried to get some,
You met another,
And BBBLLLHHH! You was gone!
Alternate Ending:
You went to another,
And BBBLLLHHH! Now you drink!)
Drink it down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue or go to “Why Are We Waiting”)
(Melody: Sailor’s Hornpipe)
Does a hasher like to walk,
Does a hasher like to run,
Does a hasher like to be,
Where they’re having all the fun?
Can he drink a mug of beer,
While his friends all sing and cheer,
Now your time has come,
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc.
(Melody: Bird Dog)
Horny is a bastard (From the Hash)
A very sneaky bastard (From the Hash)
But when he fucks my honey (He’s a Dog)
He doesn’t give me money (What a Dog)
Horny is a hasher that’s a tryin’ to steal my baby
(He’s a Hash Dog)
Down down, down down down downnn.
Down down, down down, down down down
downnn.
Chorus
Hey, Hash Dog get away from my tail,
Hey, Hash Dog you’re on the wrong trail.
Hash Dog you’d better leave my little pussy love
alone…
Hey, Hash Dog get away from my chick,
Hey, Hash Dog you’d better put away your dick.
Hash Dog you’d better find a little pus-sy of
your own.
Down down down, down down down down.
Down down, down down, down down down
down.
(Melody: There Was A Little Bird)
There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin’ on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
(point at each of the violators)
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc.
Here’s to _____, he’s (she’s) true blue.
He’s (she’s) a hasher through and through.
He’s (she’s) a pisspot, so they say.
He’ll (she’ll) never to get to heaven,
In a long, long way.
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc.
Traditional Down Down Song III
Here’s to _____, he don’t screw,
He’s a asshole, through and through,
He’s a shithead, so they say,
Tried to be a hetro,
But he went the other way.
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc.
(Melody: Happy Birthday)
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc
(Melody: Okinawa Down Down Song)
Here’s to ______, he’s (she’s) true blue,
It’s his (her) birthday, boo hoo hoo,
He (She) is (age) if she’s a day,
Wishes he (she) was younger,
But there’s no way!
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc
(Melody: Happy Birthday)
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.
Drinking down, down, down, down… etc
(Melody: Happy, Happy Birthday Baby)
Happy, happy birthday hasher,
Though your old and growing grey,
Here’s a beer to make you smile,
If you hash you’ll live a while,
And hit the trail another da-ay.
Happy, happy birthday hasher,
Though your knees are getting weak,
Where else can you get laid,
And get sex that is not paid,
Your getting younger as we speak!
Drinking down down down down… etc.
Calls to the Circle
Balls to Mr. Bengelstein, Bengelstein, Bengelstein,
Balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He sits on the steeple and shits on the people,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He keeps us all waiting, while he’s masturbating,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He tried Mrs. Bengelstein, but she’s old and
rotten in-between,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
He ups and he downs them, he fucking well
grounds them,
So, balls to Mr. Bengelstein, dirty old man.
(Chant slowly with reverence.)
Hymn, Hymn,
Fuck him.
(Chanted, usually by the RA before the hash begins, with the pack repeating each line.)
RA: Repeat after me.
Bless these hares,
Bless this trail,
Coppus no catch us,
Farmer no shoot us,
Doggus no bite us,
Heatus no stroke us,
Plenty of cold beer to drink,
Coitus non interruptus.
Bless the hares,
Bless the hares,
Fuck the hares!
On On!
(Melody: Auld Lang Syne)
Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off.
(Melody: William Tell Overture)
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,
wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,
wank, wank, wank, wank wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.
(Melody: Auld Lang Syne)
We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands,
We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands.
May all your hash trails end with beer,
May all your trails have beer,
We bid farewell to ______,
Now here is one more beer.
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue or go to “Why Are We Waiting”)
Songmaster says, ‘Respect for the Hash Hymn’
Chorus
Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin’ four two carry me home.
I looked over Jordon,
And what did I see-ee,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
A band of An-gels,
Cumin’ after me-ee,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
If you get there be-four I doo,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
Tell all my friends I’m cumin’ twoo,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
I’m sometimes up, I’m some-times down,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
But still my sole feels heav-en-ly bound,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
Options using chorus:
Songmaster says, ‘Harlots’, then women do chorus in high pitched voices, screaming in high
pitched, exagerated climax at the each pause.
Songmaster says, ‘Real Men’, then men do chorus in low, deep voices, exagerating the size of
their penis in the ‘cumin’ gesture by hold both
hands apart in sweeping, two-handed masturbating gesture and swinging hands low to the
ground with ‘swing low’.
Songmaster says, ‘Ray Charles’ (alternately
‘Stevie Wonder’, then pack closes eyes and
sings chorus with gestures, moving head from
side to side with the beat.
Songmaster says, ‘Humming’, then pack hums
chorus with gestures.
Songmaster says, ‘Silently’, then pack does chorus silently with gestures only, following the
lead of the songmaster. Songmasters who screw
up the gestures significantly are traditionally
awarded a down down after the song.
Songmaster says, ‘Helen Keller’, then pack closes eyes and does chorus silently with gestures
only, saying “Wa Wa” at some point.
Songmaster says, ‘Scooby Do’, then pack uses
Scooby Do type speech impediments to sing
chorus.
Songmaster says, ‘Fast Finish’, then pack sings
loud and fast with gestures)
Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin’ four two carry me home…
Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin’ four two carry me home.
(Slowly)
Cumin’ four two carry me home.
Hash Hymn Gesture Dictionary
All – Make wide sweeping gesture with hands outward.
Angels – Flap hands to side as though flying.
Band – Hold hands in front of you, cuffing the
fingers and making a gesture as though playing
the slide of a trombone.
Be-four – hold up four fingers.
Carry – Put hands together in front and briskly
swing them back and forth as though cradling a baby.
Cumin’ – Cuff hand and make a masterbation
gesture. (Some hashers mask the motion with
slight of hand by first moving the other hand
behind their head and patting it a split seond
before the masterbating gesture, sometimes
coughing at the same time).
Chariot – Shake both hands outward as though
holding the reins and make horse whinnying noises.
Doo – Put hands on hips and squat as though taking a crap.
Down – Put index and thumb together near
crotch as if holding a small penis then move the
hand downward slightly and wiggle it briskly.
Four – Hold up four fingers.
Friends – Cuff fingers of left hand held outward
in front, with thumb and index finger forming a
circle. Rapidly insert and withdraw the index
finger of the right hand into the circle in a universal fornication gesture.
Home – Hold arms above your head, fingers
extended and touching together forming a ‘roof’ over your head.
I – Point to your eye with your index finger
I’m – Point to your chest with your index finger
Heavenly Bound – With hand holding foot, swing it into the air.
Jordon – (River Jordon, traditional) Move hands
outward, then right to left, wiggling fingers in a
wave motion. (Michael Jordon, U.S.) Make a
basketball jump shot motion.
Looked – Shading eyes with hand and moving
head back and forth as if searching.
Me or My – Point to your chest with your index finger.
Over – Sweep hand from ‘Looked’ position outward.
See – Point index finger from ‘I’ position outward.
Sole – Point to bottom of shoe.
Still – (as in distiller) Make drinking gesture
with hand, moving head backward.
Sweet – Kiss 1st and 2nd finger and thumb together, throwing the kiss outward.
Swing Low – Intertwine fingers forming a cradle
and with arms down, swing them back and forth.
Tell – Put back of hand to mouth, rapidly moving thumb with fingers as in speaking gesture.
There – Point back over your shoulder with your index finger.
Two – Hold up two fingers.
Up – Cuff fingers in front as holding a long
penis then move the hand upward.
What – Hands out to side, palms up as in a question.
You – Point outward with index finger.
(Melody: Silent Night)
Sodomy, masturbate,
Fellatio, copulate,
Round the world and Hershey highway,
Fornicating in the hay,
These are tricks that I lo-ove,
These are tricks that I love.
Con-on-dom, prophylactic,
Spermicide does the trick.
IUD’s and birth control pills,
Pull it out and let it spill,
These will make it sa-afe,
These will make it safe.
Santa comes but once a year,
With lots and lots of toys.
Dildos and lace for little girls,
Rubbers for little boys.
Viagra for Dad,
Midol for Mom,
And whips and chains,
For Uncle Tom.
Santa comes but once a year,
But what a frigging year!
(Melody: And So This is Christmas)
And so this is Hashmas,
And a happy new year,
Get in a drunk punch-up,
And get socked in the ear.
Aarh-aarh-aarh-aarh
And so this is Hashmas,
With a wink and a leer,
Let’s eat too much turkey,
And drink lots of beer.
(hold your belly)
Aarh-aarh-aarh-aarh.
And so this is Hashmas,
No need to look glum,
We’ll drink too much whiskey,
And fall on our bum.
Aarh-aarh-aarh-aarh
And so this is Hashmas,
What a load of old crap,
Let’s put it up your bottom,
And cum on your back.
(gesture accordingly)
Oooh-aarh-oooh-aarh
Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire
(Melody: The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole)
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost ripping up your nose,
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire,
And folks dressed up like buffaloes.
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow,
Helps to make the season right,
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out,
Will find it hard to see tonight.
They know that Santa is on his way,
He’s loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh,
And every mother’s child is sure to spy,
To see if reindeer really scream when they die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety two,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Screw you.
(Melody: Let it Snow)
Well the weather outside is frightful,
But my dick is so delightful.
If you really want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
My dick is ready for hopping.
If you want a really good show,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
When it’s time to kiss good -night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm!
Be careful now don’t you bite,
With your tongue I will make you warm.
The fire is slowly dying,
And my dear, we’re still good
-bye
-ing,
But as long as you want me so,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
Hark the Harriet Spinsters Sing
(Melody: Hark the Herald Angels Sing)
Hark the Harriet Spinsters sing,
Is there a man with a great big thing?
Please on earth, some shagging wild!
We’re fed up being meek and mild.
Joyful all you real men rise,
Join the triumph in my thighs,
With the angelic host proclaim,
A Christmas shag is my aim.
Hark the Harriet Spinsters sing,
Is there a man with a great big thing?
Hail the heaving Prince of pleasure,
As he pumps into my Treasure.
Delight and ecstasy with his shag,
No more 4 pack and a fag.
Wild he lays our glorious thighs,
No more vibrators, Wot a size!
Born to make our pussy’s wet,
Watch us writhe and make us sweat,
Hark the Harriet Spinsters sing,
Is there a man with a great big thing?
(Melody: Deck the Halls)
Here’s the season to be greedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Eat until you feel quite seedy,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Lots of beer and food and lollies,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
In the morning you’ll be sorry,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
We always put up our Christmas stocking,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Santa might give us something to cock in,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Last year he said he wouldn’t come round here,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Some bastard stuffed it up his reindeer,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
Get the maid under the mistletoe,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
If the wife sees you’ll soon know,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Is that what they mean by sticky pudd’n,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la,
Serves you right if you get dripping,
Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la.
I Saw Mommy Fucking Santa Claus
(Melody: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
I saw Mommy fucking Santa Claus,
Underneath the Christmas tree at noon.
She didn’t see me creep,
Down the stairs to have a peep,
She thought that I was napping,
In my bedroom fast asleep.
Then I saw Mommy fucking Santa Claus,
Underneath his swaying big fat moon.
What a sight that would have been,
If Daddy had only seen,
Mommy fucking Santa Claus at noon!
(Melody: White Christmas)
I’m dreaming of a pink pussy,
Just like the ones I used to screw,
With a sweet aroma,
Thank really shows ya’,
Thank cunnilingus is for you.
I’m dreaming of my love’s pussy,
Each time I jack off in the night.
May her thighs be creamy and white,
And may her vagina be tight.
(Melody: Jingle Bells)
Chorus
Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun, it is to run, round naked in this way,
Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun, it is to run, round naked Christmas day.
Dashing round the block, not wearing any dacks,
One hand on your cock, to give your balls more slack,
Bouncing up and down, as we run to and fro,
We’ll jingle with our gen-i-tals wherever we may go.
To chorus…
(Melody: Jingle Bells)
Chorus
Jungle smell, jungle smell,
Shig-gy all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to run,
Through a swamp on Sun-un-day, hey!
Jungle smell, jungle smell,
Shig-gy all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to run,
Through a swamp on Sun-un-daay.
Dashing through the jungle,
Following hash all the way.
All those SCB’s,
Cursing all the way.
Dashing through the jungle,
Following hash all the way.
All those drunkard SCB’s,
Cursing all the way.
To chorus…
(Melody: Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem)
Oh little mug of lager beer,
How dear you are to me.
You help to bring me Christmas cheer,
From toast until I pee.
Your head of foam doth shi-neth,
Beneath the bar room light.
Through all the years and all the beers,
It’s lager beer tonight.
(Melody: Santa Claus Is Coming to Town)
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is dead.
(Melody: Silent Night)
Silent fart,
Silent fart,
Passes by, through the dark,
Round the circle, it passes by.
Got a whiff of it, thought I would die.
Get the fuck out of here,
Get the fuck out of here.
(Melody: Silent Night)
Silent night, foggy night,
Somebody pfffffft!, smells like shite,
Who’s the bastard that dropped his guts,
I hope it blew a hole in his nuts,
That will make him sing high-er,
And bring a tear to his eye.
(Melody: The Twelve Days of Christmas)
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A nice lager in a brown mug.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Two dirty shoes,
And a nice lager in a brown mug.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Three french kisses,
Two dirty shoes,
And a nice lager in a brown mug.
etc…
Four call-ing “On!”
Five golden ales.
Six hares a laying.
Seven bastards swimming.
Eight poofters walking.
Nine bitches dancing.
Ten hashers leaping.
Eleven buglars blowing.
Twelve down downs drinking.
(Second Alternate Verses)
A hand job that wasn’t worth a fuck.
(On-on-on).
Two shit house doors,
Three French whores,
Four calling girls,
Five blow jobs,
Six 69’ers,
Seven sucking sisters,
Eight aching assholes,
Nine gnawed off nipples,
Ten torn off titties,
Eleven leaping lesbians,
Twelve twats a’twitching.
(Third Alternate Verses)
A hand job in an MG.
(squirt, squirt, squirt).
Two rectal sores.
Three droopy drawers.
Four fucking whores.
Five pubic hairs.
Six seeping chancres.
Seven sucking sisters.
Eight edible panties.
Nine nibbled nipples.
Ten tons of titty.
Eleven lickable labia.
Twelve twats ‘a twitchin’.
Make up your own verses!
The Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas
(Melody: The Twelve Days of Christmas.)
1 Some parts to a Mustang GT.
2 Huntin’ dogs.
3 Shotgun shells.
4 Mud grip tires.
5 Flannel shirts.
6 Cans of Spam.
7 Packs of Redman.
8 Table Dancers.
9 Years Probation.
Tin of Copenhagen.
11 Rasslin’ Tickets.
12-Pack of Bud.
Walkin’ ‘Round in Womens’ Underwear
(Melody: Winter Wonderland)
Lacy things the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask for her permission,
I’m wearin her clothes – silk panty hose,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s underwear.
In the store there’s a teddy,
With little straps like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight like handcuffs at night,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown,
He’ll say are you ready, we’ll say whoa man,
Let’s wait until the wife’s out of town.
Later on if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eye shade and join the parade,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s’ underwear.
Lacy things… missin’,
Didn’t ask… permission, Wearin her clothes –
silk panty hose,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s’ underwear,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s’ underwear,
Waklin’ ’round in women’s’ underwear.
(We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
The lyricists have done a cabaret turn for the
last couple of years at the Christmas hash party.
They trade under the name of ‘Santa’s Slags’,
and wear suitably revealing Santa outfits with
all the gear. The following carol was rewritten
by them after
several bottles of wine.
We wish you a Merry Hash
We wish you a Merry Hash
We wish you a Merry Hash
And a good shagging too!
(Melody: We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
We wish you a merry Hashmas,
We wish you a merry Hashmas,
We wish you a merry Hashmas,
And a clappy New Year.
Bad tidings we bring,
About the drip and the sting,
We wish you a Merry Syphilis,
And a Happy Gonorrhea.
We wish you a Merry Syphilis,
We wish you a Merry Syphilis,
We wish you a Merry Syphilis,
And a Happy Gonorrhea.
(Melody: White Christmas)
I’m dreaming of a white Hashmas,
As I masturbate in bed,
Dreaming of juicy Lucy and Rock,
Hard’s floozes,
And a katoey giving me head,
I’m dreaming of a white Hashmas,
With every stroke of my old man,
Oh, I think I’m coming,
I know I’m coming,
Oh, won’t Hashmas be so grand.
Father’s Day
(Melody: Monster Mash)
I was running with the HASH on Halloween night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
Poofters and Back Sliders began to arrive,
And suddenly, to my surprise.
Chorus
Pack: They did the hash.
Songmaster: They did the Monster hash.
Pack: The Monster hash.
Songmaster: It was a graveyard hash.
Pack: They did the hash.
Songmaster: They caught on in a flash.
Pack: They did the hash.
Songmaster: They did the Monster hash.
From knee deep shiggy in the swamp that’s east,
To wading through the creek where the leaches feast,
The poofters all came when they heard the news,
They could get some mud on their running shoes,
(to chorus)
The trail was dark the hares were not to be found,
Igor unchained was running with the hounds,
The local cops were about to arrive,
With orders to take Hashers DEAD or ALIVE.
(to chorus)
The Hashers were having fun
(In-a-shoop-wha-ooo)
The party had just begun
(In-a-shoop-wha-ooo)
The guests included Wolfman
(In-a-shoop-wha-ooo)
Dracula and his son
(Drum fill)
Out from his pickup the Tyrant’s voice did ring.
(shoop-wha-ooo)
It seems he was worried ’bout just one thing.
(shoop-wha-ooo)
Opened the door and shook his fist, and said.
(shoop-wha-ooo)
“Whatever hoppened to those running club
wimps?”
(to chorus)
Now everything’s cool, we found all of the pack,
And the Monster hash, it will be coming back,
For you, the sober, this hash was meant, too,
When you get to the box, tell them Boris sent you.
Pack: And you can hash,
Songmaster: And you can Monster hash,
Pack: The monster hash,
Songmaster: And do the graveyard hash,
Pack: And you can hash,
Songmaster: You’ll catch on in a flash,
Pack: Then you can hash,
Songmaster: Then you can Monster hash.
(repeat and fade chorus following dialog talkover)
Igor: MMMM…hash goooood! hash goood!
(shoop-wha-ooo)
Boris: Down Igor, you impetuous young boy.
(shoop-wha-ooo)
Igor: hash goooood. (shoop-wha-ooo, shoopwha-ooo)
Independence Day (U.S.)
(Melody: Yankee Doodle Dandy)
Yank my doodle it’s a dandy,
Yank my doodle ’till I die,
Make that wiener shoot some fireworks,
Just like the Fourth of July.
I’ve got a Yankee doodle boner,
I’ve had it since you rubbed my thigh,
So yank my doodle if you please.
That bulge is not a pony,
Just stick your fingers up my ass,
And stroke my macaroni.
Yank my doodle it’s so big,
Clearly it’s a dandy,
Stick that sucker in your mouth,
You’ll swear it tastes like candy.
Yank my doodle it’s a dandy,
Yank my doodle ’till I die,
Lick that lizard ’till it’s standing tall,
Right through my pu-u-bic hair.
If you like Yankee doodle peckers,
I’ve got one that I can spare.
So yank my doodle ’till it cums,
Just point it toward your titties,
They say that stuff is beauty cream,
Let’s make your titties pretty.
Yank my doodle it’s so big,
Baby it’s a dandy,
Jerk that Turk and make it squirt,
And keep a Kleenex handy.
Yank my doodle it’s a dandy,
Yank my doodle ’til I die.
(Melody: Yankee Doodle Dandy)
Yankee doodle he’s a dandy,
He’s a hasher till he dies,
A real live asshole from the USA,
Pissed on my most other girls.
Yank his doodle, it’s a dandy,
Yank his doodle, zip his fly,
Yankee doodle ran the trail,
Wanking off his doodle,
You’re that yanking doodle guy.
(If used as a down down song:)
Drinking down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
(Continue until down down is finished,
or go into “Why are you waiting”.)
(Melody: Auld Lang Syne)
Should auld beer drinkers be forgot,
And never brot’ to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of Auld Lang Syne.
Chorus
For Auld hasher friends, we cheer,
For Auld Lang Syne.
We’ll drink, “To Hash!”, a mug of beer,
For Auld Lang Syne.
Drink down your beers for all the years,
A down down for all time.
We’ll drink, “To Hash!”, a mug of beer,
For Auld Lang Syne.
Optional Finale same tune…
Drink! Down down down down, down down down.
Drink! Down down down down down.
Drink! Down down down down, down down down.
Drink! Down down down down down.
(continue finale until last mug is empty)
(Melody: Swanee River)
High above the virgin’s gar-ter
High above her knee,
Lies the se-e-cret of her honor,
Her vir-r-gin-i-ty.
Roll, her o-ver, ohhh so slow-ly,Soft-ly in the grass.
That i-is what we live and die for,
A piece of vir-gin ass.
(Melody: Alouette)
The songmaster points to various parts of a
“volunteer” harriettes anatomy during song.
Chorus
Aahlawetta, gentil Aahlawetta,
Aahlawetta, je te plumerai.
1
Songmaster: How I love her curly hair.
Pack: How I (you) love her curly hair.
Songmaster: Curly hair.
Pack: Curly hair.
Songmaster: Alouett.
Pack: Alouett.
Together: Oh-oh-oh-ohhh. (to Chorus)
2
Songmaster: How I love her bushy brows.
Pack: How I (you) love her bushy brows.
Songmaster: Bushy brows.
Pack: Bushy brows.
Songmaster: Curly hair.
Pack: Curly hair.
Songmaster: Alouett.
Pack: Alouett.
Together: Ohohohohhh.
3
Songmaster: How I love her wooden eye
- Wooden Eye?
Pack: Yes I would
4
Crooked nose (broken nose)
5
Lubra lips (sucking lips)
6
Two buck teeth (cum-stained teeth)
7
Double chin (drooling chin)
8
Saggy tits (swinging tits)
9
Big pot belly (pregnant belly/big beer belly)
10
Moofy crotch (furry thing)
11
Knobbly knees (skinny legs)
12
Tinea toes (big smelly feet)
Harrier List from Top (alternate lines in parentheses):
1 Thinning hair (balding head)
2 Neanderthal brow (wrinkled brow)
3 Blood-shot eyes (one glass eye)
4 Broken nose (hairy nose)
5 Smelly breath (pukey breath)
6 Rotten teeth (toothy gap)
7 Double chin (Dumbo ears)
8 Hairy chest (skinny chest)
9 Big beer belly (Big pot belly)
10 Tiny dick (micro-penis)
11 Drooping sac (tiny balls)
12 Creaky knees (skinny legs)
13 Tiny toes (big smelly feet)
(Melody: All My Lovin’)
Harriers:
Close your eyes, spread your legs,
Let me fertilize your eggs,
Remember, I’ll always be true.
And then while I’m away,
I’ll beat off every day,
And send all my jism to you.
Harriettes:
He’ll pretend to be kissing,
The lips used for pissing,
While fondling his balls so blue.
And then while I’m not home,
He’ll be stroking his bone,
And sending his jism to me.
Harriers:
All my jism, I will send to you.
All my jism, you can have my spew.
All my jism, all my jism,
All my jism, I will send to you.
Harriettes:
I will sing this bright chorus,
While I rub my clitoris,
With my dildo so tried and true.
And then while you’re away,
I will vibrate away,
And send all my jism to you.
Harriers:
All my jism, I will send to you.
All my jism, you can have my spew.
All my jism, all my jism,
All my jism, I will send to you.
(Melody: All Things Bright and Beautiful)
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom,
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid,
Who made the spikey urchin,
Who made the sharks, He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul, and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
(Melody: Almost Persuaded)
Last night all alone in a bar room,
Met a girl with a tit in one hand.
She had really tight shorts, hal-ter top,
And an ass that would tempt any man.
The she came and sat down on my face,
And as she placed her hand on my dick,
I found myself wanting to fuck her,
For temptation was making me sick.
I was al-most persuaded,
To leave the hash in the cold air.
Al-most persuaded,
To leave the pack with no hare.
Then we danced and she whispered, “I need you.”
“Take me now, right here,” she did wail.
But I told her that though I did want to.
I’d promised that I’d lay the trail.
I was al-most persuaded,
‘Til a hasher hollered, “Beer!” at the door.
Al-most persuaded,
But my thirst couldn’t stand it no more.
(Melody: Amazing Grace)
Amazing Hash,
How sweet the trail,
That saved a DFL like me.
I once was lost,
But now I’m found,
The On-On I now see!
Just two more blocks,
And I’ll be in,
The beer is waiting for me.
And when I’m there,
I’ll drink my share,
‘Til they get rid of me!
(Melody: Are You Lonesome Tonight)
Are you lonesome tonight,
Is the hash out of sight,
Are you sorry you strayed from the trail?
Does your throat get real dry,
Underneath the hot sky,
When you think of the beer to you wail?
Do the sores on your feet seem to blister and pus?
Do you gaze down the road and you wish for a bus?
Are your legs filled with pain,
Will you shortcut again,
Tell me fool are you lonesome tonight?
(Melody: I Love You)
I love you
You love me
Barney gave me HIV
With a little bit of this
And a little bit more
I caught AIDS from a dinosaur!
(Melody: I Love You)
I love you!
You love me!
We’ll go hashing, wait and see!
With a great big mug!
And a beer from me to you!
First we’ll down down, then we’ll screw!
(Melody: Tie Me Kangaroo Down)
Chorus
Beastiality’s best, boys, beastiality’s best…
(Echo) Fuck a wallaby!
Beastiality’s best, boys, beastiality’s best!
1 Shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog.
(Echo) Fuck a wallaby!
(You’ve gotta) shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog…
(Songmaster:) All together now!
2 Up the rear of a deer…etc.
3 Intercourse with a horse…
4 Have a fuck with a duck…
5 Chuck your sperm in a worm…
6 Lick the twat of a cat…
7 Do an illegal with an eagle…
8 Up the hole of a mole…
9 Give some cock to a croc…
10 Shoot your load in a toad…
11 Have a rape with an ape…
12 Get in deep with a sheep…
13 Have a frig with a pig…
14 Up the thigh of a fly…
15 Give your gerbil some verbal…
16 Fool with the tool of a mule…
17 In the esophagus of an octapus…
18 Make it twirl in a squirrel…
19 Down the throat of a goat…
20 Shove your willy up a filly…
21 Stick you rod up a cod…
22 Up the spout of a trout…
23 Do it funky with a monkey…
24 Put your noodle to a poodle…
25 Make love with a dove…
26 Be very pleasant to a pheasant…
27 Sixty-nine with a swine…
28 Cunnilingo with a dingo…
29 Up the tail of a whale…
30 Up the ass of a bass…
31 Wear out a bug on the rug…
32 Mate a ‘gator then fellate her…
33 Up the box of a fox…
34 Have a shag with a stag…
35 Nibble the twat of a rat…
36 In the dark with a shark…
37 Ejaculate in a skate…
38 Part the hare of a mare…
39 Have a screw with a shrew…
40 On top of the easel with a weasel…
41 Lick the clit of a nit…
42 Drink the pee of a bee…
43 Give a half to a giraffe…
44 Give a lickin’ to a chicken…
45 Go a rounder with a flounder…
46 Make it wonky with a donkey…
47 In the sack with yak….
48 Get a suck from a duck…
49 Get under the tail of a snail…
50 Up the fanny of a nanny…
51 Get it out for a trout…
52 Up the hole of a sole…
53 On the lawn with a prawn…
54 Be a queer with a deer…
55 Have a shaggin’ with a dragon…
56 Up the anus of a platypus…
57 Get the pox off a fox…
58 Any which way with a jay…
59 Have a hug with a bug…
60 Make some porn with a unicorn…
61 Put it through a gnu…
62 Have a goose with a moose…
63 Up the cunt of a runt…
64 Get frisky with a pixie…
65 In the Bahamas with some llamas…
66 Up the flue of a shrew…
67 Have a filler with a gorilla…
68 In the lake with a drake…
69 Get your release in a fleece…
70 Put it in the mid of a squid…
71 Make it course with a horse…
72 Help old Watson with a dachshund…
73 Soixante-neuf with a smurf…
74 Put it in the mouth of a sloth…
75 Get your oats with some stoats…
76 In the lake with a drake…
77 A dirty weekend in Wirral with a squirrel…
78 In the lug of a slug…
79 Have a squirm with a worm…80 Have a
cracker with a quacker…
81 Go and defile a crocodile…
82 In a bag with a stag…
83 Have a lark with an aardvark…
84 In a heap with a sheep…
85 Have a deer from the rear…
86 Go the whole way with a moray…
87 Have a toss with a hoss…
88 Put your thang in an orangoutang…
89 In the ear of a deer…
90 Make it limp in a chimp…
91 Beat you wick with a stick…
92 Up the toot-toot of a coot…
93 Be a rotter with an otter…
94 Put your cock in a peacock…
95 In the bog with a dog…
96 Have a chimp with an imp…
97 Come from behind with a hind…
98 Up the back of a yak…
99 On a train with a crane…
100 Anyway you can with a pelican…
101 On a honeymoon with a raccoon…
(And it never ends, make up your own!)
(Melody: Yesterday)
Breathalyzed,
Crystals turning green before my eyes.
I can hardly realize,
That I have just been breathalyzed.
Suddenly,
There’s a policeman standing over me.
I’d like to punch him but he’s six foot three,
And I would like to stay alive.
Chorus
He said, “We’d like to test your blood for alcohol.”
I said, “Go away, you’ll get nothing, Dracula.”
Reality,
Five hundred milligrams per 100 mils.
Now they reckon, I’m a mobile still,
and I have to be penalized.
Custody,
When they took me to the local mick,
I’ve never seen a policeman move so quick,
But not as quick, as I got sick.
Misery,
And the judge says I must join AA,
And take the bus for 60 days.
Oh, why did I get breathalized?
Breathalyzed,
Couldn’t wait to get back to the car,
But I hadn’t gone very far,
‘Til I again was breathalized.
(Melody: By the Light of the Silvery Moon)
By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw her snatch,
In the watermelon patch.
By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw it gleam, I heard her scream,
You are burning my snatch,
With your fucking match.
(Melody: Bye Bye Blackbird)
Back your ass against the wall,
Here I come, balls and all,
Bye, bye, virgin!
Won’t your mother be disgusted,
When she finds your cherry’s busted,
Bye, bye, Virgin!
Wrap your legs around a little tighter,
I can feel my load is getting lighter,
Bye, bye, Virgin!
Shake your ass and wiggle your tits,
Till my little pecker spits,
Bye, bye, Virgin!
(Melody: Rawhide)
Ballin’, ballin’, ballin’,
That boy he keeps on callin’,
His crabs, they keep on crawlin’,
Chapped hide!
You thought he was the right one,
But he was a one-night stand one,
He’s shootin’ blanks with his gun,
Chapped hide!
Pick him up, take him home, ride him hard,
make him moan!
Wake him up, saddle up, send him home!
Chapped hide… Yee Haw
(Melody: The Bear Went Over the Mountain)
Chorus
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
But I don’t work there any more.
Verses for Men Songmasters
Songmaster:
A woman came in for a computer,
Pack repeats:
A computer from the store.
Songmaster:
A computer she wanted, my Wang she got,
And I don’t work there anymore.
Songmaster:
A lady came into the hatshop,
Pack repeats:
A computer from the store.
Songmaster:
“Felt,” she wanted, felt her I did.
And I don’t work there anymore.
A lady came in for a beer…
Beer she wanted, 6-pack, ate she got…
A lady came in for a sweater…
“Jumper,” she wanted, jump her I did…
A lady came in for a seafood…
Seafood she wanted, lobster , crabs she got…
A lady came in for a floppy disk…
Floppy disk she wanted, my hard drive she got…
A lady came in for a ticket…
“Bangor,” she wanted, bang her I did…
A lady came in for a plumbing…
Plumbing she wanted, my pipe she got…
A lady came in for a pipe…
Pipe she wanted, hosed she got…
A lady came in for some coffee…
“Ground,” she wanted, brind her I did…
A lady came in for a cake…
“Layer,” she wanted, bay her I did…
A lady came in for a down quilt…
“Goose,” she wanted, boose her I did…
A lady came in for some lamp oil…
“Whale,” she wanted, sperm her I did…
A lady came in for some Air Wick…
“Mountain,” she wanted, mount her I did…
A lady came in for a sleeper…
“Upper,” she wanted, up her I did…
A lady came in for some china…
“Bone,” she wanted, bone her I did…
A lady came in for some coffee…
“Ground,” she wanted, grind her I did…
A lady came in for some gin…
“Beefeater,” she wanted, eat her I did…
A woman came in for some service…
“Quick,” she wanted, prick her I did…
A lady came in for a diskette…
“Floppy,” she wanted, hard drive her I did…
A woman came in for a bath mat…
“Shower,” she wanted, show her I did…
A woman came in for a power drill…
“Black & Decker,” she wanted, deck her I did…
A lady came in for a drink…
“Liquor,” she wanted, lick her I did…
A lady came in for some Air Wick…
“Mountain,” she wanted, mount her I did…
A lady came in for some dish soap…
“Johnson & Johnson,” she wanted, my Johnson she got…
A woman came in for some wood shoes…
“Clog,” she wanted, flog her I did,..
A lady came in for a curtain…
“Drape,” she wanted, rape her I did,..
A lady came in for a doughnut…
Glazed she wanted, cream filled she got
A lady came in for a elevator…
Elevator she wanted, my shaft she got…
A lady came in for a carpet…
Carpet she wanted, laid she got…
A lady came in for a spring…
Spring she wanted, boinged got…
A lady came in for a screwdriver…
Screwdriver she wanted, screwed she got…
A lady came in for a hammer…
Hammer she wanted, nailed she got…
A lady came in for a T-bone…
T-bone she wanted, my boneless round she got…
A lady came in for a carpet…
Carpet she wanted, pile she wanted, shagged she got she got…
A lady came in for a gun…
Gun she wanted, banged she got…
A lady came in for a nylons…
Nylons she wanted, hosed she got…
A lady came in for a metaphysical conversation…
Metaphysical conversation she wanted, fucked she got…
A lady came in for a velvet…
Velvet she wanted, felt she got…
A lady came in for a liquor…
Liquor she wanted, lick her I did she got…
A lady came in for a bolts…
Bolts she wanted, my nuts she got…
A lady came in for a sailors…
Sailors she wanted, semen she got…
A lady came in for a ham…
Ham she wanted, porked she got…
A lady came in for a cigarette…
Cigarette she wanted, camel, humped she got…
A lady came in for a plastic…
Plastic she wanted, rubbers she got…
A lady came in for a stockings…
Stockings she wanted, hosing she got…
A lady came in for a liquid Plumber…
Liquid Plumber she wanted, pipes cleaned she got…
A lady came in for a canned ham…
Canned ham she wanted, porked she got…
A lady came in for a gift wrapping…
Gift wrapping she wanted, packed she got…
A lady came in for a butter…
Butter she wanted, spread she got…
A lady came in for a fabric…
Fabric she wanted, silk, felt she got…
A lady came in for a water-bottle…
“Rubber,” she wanted, rub her I did…
Verses for Lady Songmasters
A man came in for a balloon…
Balloon he wanted, blown he got…
A man came in for a wheels…
Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got…
A man came in for a beer…
Bavarian he wanted, bush he got…
A man came in for a doughnut…
Doughnut he wanted, my hole he got…
A man came in for a telephone…
A.T.T. he wanted; T.I.T. he got,..
A boy came in for a lollipop…
Lollipop he wanted, sucked he got…
A man came in for a horse…
Horse he wanted, ridden he got…
A man came in for a carpet…
Shag he wanted, piles he got…
(Melody: Oscar Meyer Baloney Song)
His baloney has a first name,
It’s “I did not inhale.”
His baloney has a second name,
“I wasn’t getting tail.”
He loves to sing it every day,
The White House people all just saaaaaaay,
That Billy Clinton has a way,
Of making bullshit sound OK!
(Melody: Red River Valley)
Come sit on my face, if you love me,
Come sit on my face, if you care,
And I’ll drink from your Red River Valley,
And munch on your curly pubic hairs.
Oh, if I had the wings of an eagle,
And the balls of a hairy baboon,
I would fly to the ends of creation,
And I’d butt-fuck the Man in the Moon.
Oh, take it in the hand, Mrs Murphy,
It feels just like a rolling pin.
But if you roll it between your hands,
It’ll take some time to be useful again.
Oh, take it in the mouth, Mrs Murphy,
It only weighs a quarter of a pound.
It’s got hairs round its neck like a turkey,
And it spits when you shake it up and down.
Oh, take it between the breasts, Mrs Murphy,
And look it straight in its one eye.
It will lie at peace between your bosom,
Until finally milk-tears you cry.
Oh, place it between your legs, Mrs Murphy,
It is just aching to crawl inside.
It has a helmet on its head like a soldier,
And it will shoot all its ammo, then die.
Oh, but never touch ___________’s
Mrs. Murphy,
It seems his is covered with scabs.
His’s has warts all over like a horny toad,
And is protected by an army of crabs.
And his beak up his ass.
(Melody: Stand by Me)
When the night has come,
And your dick is hard.
And your moon is the only light I’ll see.
No, I won’t be afraid,
No, I won’t be afraid,
Just as long as you cum in me.
So darling, darling,
Cum in me, oh, cum in me,
Oh, cum, cum in me, cum in me.
If your dick I look upon, should shrivel and die,
Or your blood should stain your pee.
I won’t cry, I won’t cry,
No, I won’t shed a tear,
Just as long as you came, came in me,
So dar-ling, dar-ling,
Cum in me, oohhh, cum in me,
Oh, cum, cum in me, cum in me.
(Melody: Daylight Come and I Want To Go Home)
Chorus
Day-oh, Day-a-a-oh,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Day-oh, Day-a-a-oh,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
Frozen ballocks and frozen cock,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Had a piss and froze to the block,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
Drew me a katoey from the hat,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Didn’t have a rubber now I’ve got the clap,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
Drank a dozen down-downs before I puked,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Spewed on the GM and got rebuked,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
Ended up in the Rock Hard ’round about dawn,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Got my pocket picked by a girl called Porn,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
Now I’ve got to find cheap room and board,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
There I’ll stay till the next maraud,
Daylight come and I want to go home.
(Melody: I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover)
I’m looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I over ran with the mower.
One leg is missing,
The other is gone,
The third leg is shredded,
All over the lawn.
You see there’s no use explaining,
The one remaining,
It’s spinning on the carport floor,
(the carport floor)
I’m looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I over ran,
That I over ran,
That I over ran with the mower!
(Melody: My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean)
I passed a dead whore on the roadside,
I knew right away she was dead.
For the skin on her stomach was flaking,
She hadn’t a hair on her head, her head.
She hadn’t a hair on her head.
Chorus
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me.
I first met my dead whore while hashing,
With a horrible snail-sucking face.
She’d roll them around on her tongue once,
And barf them back up in your face, your face,
And barf them back up in your face.
My dead whore looked into a gas tank,
The contents of it for to see,
I lit up a match to assist her.
Oh bring back my dead whore to me, to me,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me.
While nibbling dead whore’s festered nipples,
A horrible thing to discuss,
I thought it was milk I was sucking,
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus, green pus,
But it turned out it was syphilitic pus.
My dead whore’s vagina was swelling,
A condition I thought would soon pass.
I stuck in my dick to explore it,
And she farted green gas from her ass, her ass,
She farted green gas from her ass.
I thought of a way of preserving,
My dead whore for posterity.
I’d dry her up like some beef jerky,
With a leathery twat just for me, for me,
With a leathery twat just for me.
I French-kissed my dead whore named Merly,
I thought she was giving me tongue,
But after an evening of kissing,
I found it was maggots from her lung, her lung,
I found it was maggots from her lung.
Once upon thinking it over,
I realized my terrible sin.
So I stuck my lips to her sweet pussy,
And sucked out the load I shot in, shot in,
And sucked out the load I shot in,.
But before I could extract that jism,
My dead whore was pregnant and more.
Inside the maternity morgue,
She gave birth to a dead baby whore, a whore!
She gave birth to a dead baby whore.
(Melody: Sailor’s Hornpipe)
Do your balls hang low?
Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie ’em in a knot?
Can you tie ’em in a bow?
Can you throw ’em o’er your shoulder,
Like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle,
When your balls hang low?
(Melody: Do, Re, Mi)
(sing)
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who sells me beer,
Me, the guy who drinks the beer,
Far, a long way to get beer,
So, I’ll have another beer,
La, I’ll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks, I’m drinking beer,
That will bring us back to,
(Look into an empty glass)
Duhoooooh!
(Melody: Sing!)
Drink,
Drink a beer,
Belch out loud,
Belch out clear,
Drink of good times, we run,
Drink of plenty, not one…..
Drink,
Drink the brew,
Down it quickly, this beer we give to you,
Don’t worry that it’s not good enough,
For anyone else to down,
Just drink,
Drink the beer…..
Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp…
(Substituting each word with “burp”)
(Melody: Drunken Sailor)
What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
After all the down-downs?
Chorus
There he goes again–pukin’ in the bushes,
There he goes again–pukin’ in the bushes,
There he goes again–pukin’ in the bushes,
After all the down-downs.
Take away his whistle and send him on a BT,
He’ll take a wizz behind the old oak tree,
Then he’ll blow his nose on his old shirty,
After all the down-downs.
Then we’ll shave his ass with a rusty razor,
Shave his crotch with a new fangled lazer,
Zap him in the ass with a copper’s tazer,
After all the down-downs.
Shove a bag of flour up his asshole,
Soak it up with beer and add a piece of coal,
Then stand back boys he’s gonna blow,
After all the down-downs.
Put him in the back of the old hash wagon,
Drag him by a rope from the old hash wagon,
Kick him in the ass behind the old hash wagon,
After all the down-downs.
Send him home with the old hashit,
He won’t know–how he got it,
‘next weeks hash and throw a fit,
After all the down-downs.
That’s what we’ll do with the drunken hasher,
That’s what we’ll do with the drunken hasher,
That’s what we’ll do with the drunken hasher,
After all the down-downs.
(Melody: Drunken Sailor)
What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
Earlye in the morning?
Chorus
Way hey and up she rises,
Way hey and up she rises,
Way hey and up she rises,
Earlye in the morning?
Put him into bed with the captain’s daughter,
Put him into bed with the captain’s daughter,
Put him into bed with the captain’s daughter,
Earlye in the morning?
Hang him by the balls in a running bowline…
Tie his prick in a double half-hitch…
Shave his crotch with a rusty razor…
Bare his bum for the horny sailors…
On his hands and knees like a dog now…
Shove a hose pipe up his asshole…
Have him whipped by a lovely sadist…
Shove it in his mouth when you’re cumming…
Use his face for a pissin’ contest…
That’s what we’ll do with the drunken sailor…
(Melody: The Candy Man)
Who works in a meat plant,
(who works in a meat plant)
Doesn’t wash his hands,
(doesn’t wash his hands)
Sticks ’em in the burger,
When he comes back from the can.
The E-Coli man,
The E-Coli man,
The E-Coli man,
‘Cause he mixes it with sauce,
And makes the germs taste good,
Makes the germs taste good.
Who takes pepperoni,
(who takes pepperoni)
Rubs it on his butt,
(rubs it on his butt)
Slices it and sells it,
To the local Pizza Hut.
The E-Coli man…
Who can take a ribeye,
(who can take a ribeye)
Feed it to his dog,
(feed it to his dog)
Cut the sucker open,
And make a shish-kabob.
The E-Coli man…
Who can take a t-bone,
(who can take a t-bone)
Put it on a shelf,
(put it on a shelf)
Pull it out next Christmas,
And feed it to an elf.
The E-Coli man…
(Melody: When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
That she could never be satisfied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
So he built a bloody great wheel, …
Two balls of brass and a prick of steel, …
The balls of brass he filled with cream, …
And the whole fucking issue was driven by
steam, …
He tied her to the leg of the bed, …
Tied her hands above her head, …
There she lay demanding a fuck, …
He shook her hand and wished her luck, …
‘Round and ’round went the bloody great wheel,
…
In and out went the prick of steel, …
Up and up went the level of steam, …
Down and down went the level of cream, …
‘Till at last the maiden cried, …
Enough, enough, I’m satisfied, …
Now we come to the tragic bit, …
There was no way of stopping it, …
She was split from ass to tit, …And the whole
fucking thing was covered in shit, …
It jumped off her, it jumped on him, …
And then it buggered their next of kin, …
It jumped on an uptown bus, …
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss, …
The last time, Sir, that prick was seen, …
It was over in England fucking the Queen, …
There is a moral to the story I tell, …
If you see it coming better run like hell, …
Nine months later a child was born, …
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn, …
Chorus
Father Abraham had seven sons.
And seven sons had Father Abraham.
And he never laughed,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this.
With a left.
(Pack) With a left, (arm)
Chorus
And a right (arm)
Chorus
With a left (leg)
And a right (leg)
(Now you are doing jumping jacks)
With a heave (bending over)
And a ho (pelvic forward)
Chorus
(Melody: Alouette)
Chorus
Fornication, I like fornication,
Fornication, I like to fornicate.
Songmaster: How I like to bump and grind.
Pack: Yes, he likes to bump and grind.
Songmaster: Bump and grind.
Pack: Bump and grind.
Songmaster: Fornicate.
Pack: Fornicate.
All: Oh, oh, oh, oohhh …
Songmaster: How I love to be on top.
Pack: Yes, he loves to be on top.
Songmaster: Be on top.
Pack: Be on top.
Songmaster: Bump and grind.
Pack: Bump and grind.
Songmaster: Fornicate.
Pack: Fornicate.
All: Oh, oh, oh, oohhh …
(Continue adding lines from the additional verses below.)
How I love…
…It from behind
…To slam the salami
…To drive it in deep…To bark like a dog
…It doggie style
…To pump and hump
…To ground her mound
…To give jungle love
…It in the dirt
…It on the sand
…It on a boat
…It in a car
…It in plane
…It on a bus
…It on a … etc.
(See “Masturbation” for another song to naturally follow this one.)
(Melody: Do Re Me)
Fuck a duck, a female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo.
Finger-bang an orangutang,
Let an elephant do you.
Fell the penis of an eel,
Whack! the asshole of a yak.
Masturbate with a gnu,
And that will bring you back to,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…
(repeat as needed)
(Melody: Puff the Magic Dragon)
Once a pure white virgin,
Lived by the sea,
She frolicked over pastoral fields,
Her name Virginity.
A sweet young lass of just sixteen,
A rosebud ripe and firm,
She wandered o’er the verdant hills,
Not knowing of the sperm.
Chorus
Well, fuck the giant penis lived not so far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long,
He poked one twice a day,
He was an Ivy Leaguer, with vest and pinstriped
shirt,
He drove a Roadster XKE, that sexed-up extrovert.
One day while he was roaming,
Round the rural strips,
He spied her picking flowers there,
That bitch with swinging hips.
He jumped out of the driver’s seat,
And grabbed her by the ass,
He tore off all her clothing,
And laid her in the grass.
Her maiden head was busted,
The ground ran bloody red,
He poked her till the twilight came,
Then took her home to bed,
He poked her till the sun rose,
She begged for more and more.
He turned that pure white virgin,
Into to a fucking whore!
(Melody: All I Want is a Room Somewhere)
All I want is a whore somewhere,
Great big labia, no pubic hair,
Open mouth with no teeth there,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
Great big tits that hang so slack,
One is yellow and the other is black,
Oh boy, have you seen her crack.
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She’s got stretch marks on her guts,
Just like all the other sluts,
An abortion mark that opens and shuts.
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
Took her home to meet my mum.
Dad saw her and nearly come,
“Son,” he said, “have you seen her bum?”
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She’s hunch backed with a broken nose,
Got one club foot with an ingrown toe.
Her menstrual flow comes out of her nose.
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She’s got acne you wouldn’t believe,
Broken teeth and breath like cheese.
Her pubic hair is alive with fleas.
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She wears a wig ‘cos she’s got no hair,
The shit cling to her underwear.
I should know ‘cos I’ve been there,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She buys her clothes in Pasar Baru,
To keep them on she uses glue.
When I take her out my friends all spew,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
Her wooden leg is far too short,
Her one glass eye’s got a list to port.
I’ve shagged her mum, she’s such a sport,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
I met her when she was thirty-five,
I looked into those criss-cross eyes.
It was hard to tell if she were dead or alive,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She said, “Grab me by the private parts.”
As I did she blew a fart.
Followed with a grunt from within her cunt,
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
She said, “Grab me again while the feeling lasts.”
Then you can poke it up my arse.
I said, “No, I think I’ll pass.”
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
Now she’s dead and there ain’t no more,
I fucked to death that rotten whore.
My balls are red and my prick’s so sore.
Oh fucking hell, she’s ugerly, ugerly.
(Melody: Burger King jingle)
Hold my pickle, I’ll eat your lettuce,
Cunnilingus don’t upset us,
All we ask is that you let us have it your way.
Have it your way – sit on my face,
Have it your way – give us a taste,
Have it your way at Furburger King.
(Melody: Billboard March)
I love a gang bang, Oh yes I do,
Chorus
‘Cause a gang bang makes me feel so good.
When I was younger, and in my prime,
I use to gang bang all the ti-i-ime.
But now I’m older, and turning gray,
I only gang bang twice a da-a-ay.
Songmaster:
“Knock-knock”
Pack:
Who’s there?
Songmaster:
Ida
Pack:
Ida, who
Songmaster:
Ida want another gang bang,
Oh yes I do,
To Chorus
Songmaster:
“Knock-knock”
Pack:
Who’s there?
Songmaster:
Turner
Continued…
Pack:
Turner who?
Songmaster:
Turn ‘er over, let’s have another gang bang,
Oh yes let’s do,
To Chorus
Gladiator…
Glad he ate her out before the gang bang,
Oh yes he was…
Oliver…
All of ‘er clothes were off at the gang bang,
Oh yes they were…
Ranger…
Arranger for best entry at the gang bang,
Oh yes let’s do…
Peter Meter…
My peter’ll meet her a the gang bang,
Oh yes it will…
Ben Dover…
Bend over and have another gang bang,
Oh yes let’s do…
Dolly Parton…
Dolly’s partin’ her thighs at the gang bang,
Oh yes she is…
Bob…
Bob down and let’s have another gang bang,
Oh yes let’s do…
Orange…
Orange you glad I didn’t say,
Bob down and let’s have another gang bang,
Oh yes let’s do…
Yurin…
Yearning for sloppy seconds at the gang bang,
Oh yes I am…
Tiajuana…
Do ya wanna bring your mother to the gang
bang,
Oh yes you do…
Kissinger…
Kissing ‘er’s great, but fuckin’ ‘er’s better,
At the gang bang, oh yes it is…
Betty…
Bet he’ll have a sore dick after the gang bang,
Oh yes he will…
Orange…
Aren’t you glad your at the gang bang,
Oh yes you are…
Aspen…
I spend too much time at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Europa…
You rope her to the bed post for the gang bang,
Oh yes you do…
Alexander…
I licks under her ass at the gang bang,
Oh yes I do…
Irish…
I wish we were at the gang bang,
Oh yes I do…
Virginia…
Virgins are welcome at the gang bang,
Oh yes they are…
Shelby…
She’ll be sore after the gang bang,
Oh yes she will…
Anita…
I need a little rest before the gang bang,
Oh yes I do…
Dairy…
Dare we invite_____to the gang bang,
Oh yes we should…
Mountain grown…
Mount and groan at the gang bang,
Oh yes we will…
Police…
P-lease take me to the gang bang,
Oh yes please do…
Charlotte…
Sure lot of fucking at the gang bang,
Oh yes there is…
Platypus…
Plenty O puss at the gang bang,
Oh yes there is…
Howard…
How were the tits at the gang bang,
Oh they were great…
Martha…
More the merrier at the gang bang,
Oh yes it is…
Theodore…
The ole door was locked at the gang bang,
Oh yes it was…
Extinct …
It stinked like fish at the gang bang,
Oh yes it did…
Maybell…
Maybe she’ll do us all the gang bang,
Oh yes she will…
Chester…
Chests’ll be everywhere at the gang bang,
Oh yes they will…
Ilene…
I leaned her over the couch at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Sharon…
Share and share alike at the gang bang,
Oh yes we will…
Heada…
Had a lot of sex at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Bender…
Bend her over the counter at the gang bang,
Oh yes we will…
Sam and Janet…
Sam and Janet evening I’d have a gang bang,
Oh yes they will…
Mason Dixon…
My son’s dick’s in the girl at gang bang,
Oh yes it is…
Shirley…
Surely you got laid at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Ima…
I’m a glad we had this gang bang,
Oh yes I am…
Tijuana…
Tijuana bring your mama to the gang bang,
Oh yes you do…
Eisenhower…
It’s an hour late for the gang bang,
Oh yes it is…
Witchy…
Whichy one you gonna fuck at the gang bang,
Oh which one…
Hedda…
Hedda lotta sex at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Adolph…
I ate off the bed at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Dixie…
My dick’s erect at the gang bang,
Oh yes it is…
Satellite…
Sat alot on her face at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Eaton…
She’ll be “eat’n” everybody at the gang bang,
Oh yes she will…
Kenya…
Can ya give me directions to the gang bang,
Oh yes you can…
Pasteur…
Passed her over me twice at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
Abbott…
I bet you won’t be alone at the gang bang,
Oh no you won’t…
Comrade…
Come right on over to the gang bang,
Oh yes you come…
Eileen…
Eileen her over the sofa at the gang bang,
Oh yes I will…
Mikey…
I lost my keys to the handcuffs at the gang bang,
Oh yes I did…
M.R…
M.R. some nice tits at the gang bang,
Oh yes they are…
Mister Bush…
Mister Bush and came on her stomach gang
bang, Oh yes he did…
Charlie Pride…
Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang,
Oh yes he did…
Turner…
Turner over and have another gang bang,
Oh yes he did…
Charlie Pryde…
Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang,
Oh yes he did…
Lena…
Lean ‘er up against the door and we’ll gang
bang,
Oh yes we will…
Banana…
(Everyone turns in circles
then in place of chorus)
Banana na na na na naa,
Na na na na, na na na na naa.
Na na na na na na naa,
Na na na na na na naa.
Orange…
Ar-en’t you glad I didn’t say,
(Everyone turns in circles
then in place of chorus)
Banana na na na na naa,
Na na na na, na na na na naa.
Na na na na na na naa,
Na na na na na na naa.
Stars and Stripes Forever.
(Pack does not reply with a question but immediately begins the song Stars and Stripes Forever using the “na na” for the sounds, gathering and marching in line behind the songmaster. This verse ends the song.)
(Melody: I will Survive)
I used to be a man,
Now I’m sterilized.
Thinking why do I need a woman,
Always by my side?
So now I spend so much time,
Simply playin’ with myself,
You know I cum so well alone,
I don’t need nobody else.
Oh no not I, I will survive,
I’ve had my HIV tested,
And I think I’ll stay alive.
Maybe I gotta a month,
Or perhaps even two,
Who gives a shit anyway,
If I didn’t fuck you
So turn your back,
Grease out your rear.
Stick out your arse now,
And I’ll fuck you right here.
It don’t really matter,
If you’re a guy or a girl
I am a Gender Bender,
I make the meek & humble hurl.
Oh, no not I, I will survive,
If you like forget the rubbers,
And we’ll let this virus thrive.
I really don’t give a shit,
‘Cause it can’t affect me,
Spread your cheeks now bitch,
I’ll give you this one for free.
(Melody: Bonanza)
Get it up, get it in, get it out don’t mess my hair do,
You’ve got a dick but you should lick, move that
tongue around,
Hit the spot, make me hot,
I will scream out loud.
Get it up, get it in, get it out don’t mess my hair do,
You’ve got a dick but you should lick, move that
tongue around,
Suck my toes, insert your hose,
Make my juices flow.
Get it up, get it in, get it out don’t mess my hair do,
You’ve got a dick but you should lick, move that
tongue around,
When I am done and I have cum,
We’ll start another round.
Get it up, get it in, get it out don’t mess my hair do,
You’ve got a dick but you should lick, move that
tongue around.
Gilligan’s Island, The Real Story
(Melody: Gilligan’s Island Theme)
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started with a drippy dick,
And a cold sore on my lip.
The skipper started getting rough,
He grabbed my scrotum sack,
Pulled it back between my legs,
And shoved it up my crack.
The professor sucked off Mary Anne,
And Thurston Howell the 3rd,
Was nuzzlin’ Gilligan’s asshole,
Hopin’ for a turd.
Mrs Howell and Ginger were doin’ 69,
Ginger thought her period was late,
But it was right on time!
Oh she went to the church just to pray for the people,
But the funk of her cunt knocked the cross off the steeple.
Chorus
She’s a dirty motherfucker,
She’s a rotten whore,
She’s the girl from Baltimore
What did the Hasher say?
Bum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum,
Titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum.
Oh she went to the well just to make a wish,
But the funk of her cunt killed off all the fish.
Oh she went for a ride on her motorcycle,
But the funk of her cunt knocked the chain off the cycle.
She visited Jakarta on a medical trip,
But the funk of her cunt just continued to drip.
She laid a Wednesday run just for a caper,
Using the funk of her cunt instead of using paper.
She laid it round a . . . late one afternoon,
But the funk of her cunt knocked the star off the moon.
She took a short cut just to get back quicker,
But the funk of her cunt made the shiggy thicker.
She led them down a cliff just to test their reaction,
But the funk of her cunt made them lose all their traction.
They made her sing a song at the end of the day,
But the funk of her cunt made the circle go away.
At last she was a leaving and we gave her a mug,
But the funk of her cunt was enough to fill her jug.
I tried to eat her out, but I was appalled,
Cause the funk from her cunt made me go bald.
She went to the doctor to get the pill,
But the funk of her cunt made the doctor ill.
Well she went and shaved her beave,
But the funk of her cunt made her boyfriend heave.
Oh she ran down the tracks to shortcut the trail,
But the skunk from her cunt made the train derail.
(Melody: Home, Home on the Range)
Oh, give me a clone,
Of my own flesh and bone,
With its Y-chromosome changed to an X.
And when it is grown,
Then my own little clone,
Will be of the opposite sex.
Chorus
Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-chromosome changed to an X,
And when I’m alone,
With my own little clone,
We will both think of nothing but sex.
Oh, give me a clone,
Is my sorrowful moan,
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she’s an X,
Of the feminine sex,
Oh, what fun we will have when we’re prone.
My heart’s not of stone,
As I’ve frequently shown,
When alone with my own little X,
And after we’ve dined,
I’m sure we will find,
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.
Why should such sex vex,
Or disturb or perplex,
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don’t you see,
Since we’re both of us are me,
When we’re having sex, I’m alone.
And after I’m done,
She’ll still have her fun,
For I’ll clone myself ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They’ll be both of them male,
And they’ll each ravish her by and by.
I got Drunk last night,
Drunk the night before,
And I’m gonna get drunk tonight,
Like I’ve never been drunk before!
And when I’m drunk,
I’m as happy as can be,
‘Cause I am a member of the Hash family.
Chorus
Singing Glorious, Victorious!
Hey!!!
One keg of beer for the four of us.
Singing Glory be to God that there are no more
of us,
‘Cause one of us could drink it all alone,
Damn near, pass the beer, to the rear, of the
Hash House.
Beer, beer, beer, beer
Beer, beer, beer, beer
Drunk last night
Drunk the night before
Gonna get drunk tonight Like I’ve never been
drunk before
Cause when I’m drunk I’m as happy as can be
Cause we’re all part of the Hash House family
Oh, the Hash family,
Is the best family,
To ever come over,
From the old country.
There’s the High Hash Drunks
There’s the Low Hash Drunks
There’s the Asian Drunks
And the other damn drunks
Verses:
Tune: She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain
There are no serious Hashers,
By the Bay, by the Bay.
There are no serious Hashers,
By the Bay, by the Bay.
‘Cause they’re all a bunch of queers,
Who get drunk on half a beer,
There are no serious Hashers by the Bay!
There are no serious Hashers in L A.
There are no serious Hashers in L A,
Because the smog blocks out the sun,
And they don’t know how to run,
There are no serious Hashers in L A.
There are no serious Hashers in New York
There are no serious Hashers in New York
’cause they talk like Donald Duck
And they don’t know how to fuck
There are no serious Hashers in New York
There are no serious Hashers in F L A
There are no serious Hashers in F L A
Because they all wear string bikinis
And the guys have little wienies
There are no serious Hashers in F L A
Oh there are no female Hashers in the Rockies
Oh there are no female Hashers in the Rockies
Cause when they’re running through the trees
Their tits hang down to their knees
Oh there are no Female hashers in the Rockies
There are no serious Hashers in the Navy
There are no serious Hashers in the Navy
Because they’re all on little boats
Making love to sheep and goats
There are no serious Hashers in the Navy
Oh there are no honest Hashers in D.C.
Oh there are no honest Hashers in D.C.
Cause they’re taking all our money
While they’re fucking our sweet honies
Oh there are no honest Hashers in D.C.
There are no serious Hashers in K Y
There are no serious Hashers in K Y
‘Cause they’re all a bunch of Hicks
Who are playing with their pricks
There are no serious Hashers in K Y
There are no serious Hashers in Calgary
There are no serious Hashers in Calgary
’cause they’ll wade through waist deep snow
Just to give a cow a blow
There are no serious Hashers in Calgary
There are no serious Hashers from the South
There are no serious Hashers from the South
With their necks of crimson red
and their cousins they will wed
It’s a sure sign that they are all inbred
There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee
There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee
’cause the men all ride on Hogs
and the women howl like dogs
There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee
There are no serious hashers in Rumson
There are no serious hashers in Rumson
’cause there’s no wimmin at their hashes
for sex they bugger their buddies asses
There are no serious hashers in Rumson
(Melody: Pretty Woman, but obviously a song to be
sang by harriettes, or those out of the closet.)
Handsome Hasher, running down the street,
Handsome Hasher, the kind I like to meet,
Handsome Hasher, I don’t believe you, you’re
not true,
No one could be hung like you.
Handsome Hasher, won’t you pardon me,
Handsome Hasher, I couldn’t help but see,
Handsome hasher, you look horny, I can see,
Are you horny just like me?
Handsome Hasher, stop a while,
Handsome Hasher, talk a while,
Handsome Hasher, give your cock to me,
Handsome Hasher, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Handsome Hasher, say you’ll cum,
Handsome Hasher, say you’ll cum on me,
Cause I need you, I’ll treat you right,
Cum on me baby, be mine tonight.
Handsome Hasher, don’t run on by,
Handsome Hasher, don’t make me cry,
Handsome Hasher, don’t run away.
OK, if that’s the way it must be,
OK, I guess I’ll go home and masturbate,
There’ll be tomorrow night, I’ll wait.
What do I see?
Is he jogging back to me?
Yes, he’s jogging back to me,
Oh, oh, handsome Hasher.
(Melody: Hokey Pokey)
You give the right eye wink,
You give the left eye wink,
You give the “come here” wink,
And he buys us both a drink.
Chorus
You do the hanky panky,
Get his trousers down,
That’s what it’s all about.
You do the top lip lick,
You do the bottom lip lick,
You give a little giggle,
‘Cause he thinks you’ll lick his prick.
You put your right tit out,
You put your left tit out,
Nipples getting harder,
So you shake them all about.
You put your right cheek out,
You put your left cheek out,
You give a little wobble,
Watch his eyes pop out.
You put your right leg out,
You put your left leg out,
Spread them at the knees,
So he can see what it’s about.
You put the right hip out,
You put the left hip out,
Grab him by the ballocks,
And you squeeze until he spouts.
You put your pelvis in,
You put your pelvis out,
Go a little faster,
And you grind it all about.
You give the right ear groan,
You give the left ear groan,
Grind a little faster,’Cause he’s going to drop his load.
You give a right cheek kiss,
You give a left cheek kiss,
Hate to be a liar,
But you tell him it was bliss.
We’ve done the hanky panky,
Got his trousers down,
So fuck off!
(Melody: Happy Talk, from South Pacific)
Chorus
Happy wank, keep talking happy wank,
Wanking is what you’d like to do.
You gotta have wet dreams.
If you don’t have wet dreams,
How you gonna make wet dreams come true?
(Repeat Chorus)
Wanking to the moon,
Floatin’ in de sky,
Wankin’ ’til your cummin’ like a lake.
Wankin’ with your flute,
Open up your fly,
Makin’ all de mu-sic it can make.
Do chorus once more.
(Melody: This Old Man)
Harriettes, they play one,
All they want to do is cum,
Chorus
With a knick knack,
Slap her ass,
Poke her with my bone,
This drunk hare will stumble home.
Harriettes, they play two,
We just want to speckle you,
Harriettes, they play three,
Won’t you swallow my cum for me,
Harriettes, they play four,
We like to see you on all fours,
Harriettes, they play five,
If you don’t swallow you’ll get hives,
Harriettes, they play six,
We just want to slap you with our dicks,
Harriettes, they play seven,
But they all just wish it was eleven,
Harriettes, they play eight,
We all know you masturbate,
Harriettes, they play nine,
All they do is whinge and whine,
Harriettes, they play ten,
We’re not boys, we’re harrier men,
Harriettes, they play eleven,
But all they can handle is only seven.
(Melody: British Grenadier)
I like the girls who say they will,
I hate the girls who don it.
I hate the girls who say they will,
And then they say the won’t.
But of all the girls I like the best,
I may be wrong or right,
Are the girls who say they never will,
But look as though they might.
Some die of constipation,
And some of diarrhea.
And some of masturbation,
And some of gonorrhea.
But of all the world’s diseases,
There’s none that can compare:
With the drip, drip, drip,
Of the syphilitic prick,
Of a Hash House Harrier.
When he goes forth in pursuit,
His bottle in his hand,
The lasses fall like cattle,
There’s none can make a stand.
But when the campaign’s over,
It’s then he’s bogged in mire:
With the drip, drip, drip,
Of the syphilitic prick,
Of a Hash House Harrier.
And when he does retire,
To take his well-earned rest,
There burns an ancient fire,
To do what he does best.
And yet, the truth is bitter,
‘Cause he could never be a marrier:
With the drip, drip, drip,
Of the syphilitic prick,
Of a Hash House Harrier.
(Melody: Ball of Kerrymuir)
Four and twenty virgins,
Came out to this old hash,
And when the hash was over,
There were four and twenty less.
Chorus
Singing, balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If ye canna get laid at this old hash,
Ye’ll never get laid at all.
This fine young virgin she was there,
She had drank a bit too much,
Showing us her titties,
But sayin’ we couldna touch.
This cocky virgin he was there,
Drinking Old Milwaukee’s Best,
Showing the girls his tiny dick,
The girls they weren’t impressed.
This other virgin she was there,
Talkin’ ’bout givin’ head,
But when it came to swallowin’,
She would spit instead.
This other virgin he was there,
Askin’ ’bout toe sucks,
The harriettes frowned and then they said,
“What do you want for three bucks?”
The other virgin SHE was there,
Givin’ us all a great view,
While dancing on the table,
She said she’d do the crew.
This other virgin HE was there,
Getting drunk as he could be,
And by the time the circle broke up,
He’d pissed a gallon of pee.
This fine young virgin she was there,
With legs all firm and tan,
Her shorts rode up her ass so tight,
They squeaked whenever she ran.
(Melody: Iron Man by Black Sabbath)
Has he lost his mind?
Or is he really one-of-a-kind?
Can he hash at all,
Or if he moves will he fall?
Is he drunk or is he dead?
Are there any dirty thoughts in his head?
We’ll just pass him beer
We may even give him a cheer.
His brain has turned to shit
or is he just havin’ a fit?
Where he travelled the trails
for the future of all hashin’ males!
Chorus
Nobody wants him
He just pukes on himself
Doing his down-downs
Till his eyes roll back, and he ‘Ralphs’.
Now the time is near
for Hasher Man to quaff his beer
Vengeance from the Bimbos
Kills their appetites, Ho’s Ho’s Ho’s
(to chorus)
Heavy buckets of beer
fills his victims full of cheer
Wankin’ as fast as he can
Hasher Man lives again!
(Melody: This Old Man)
Substitute name of Hash in blanks.
Chorus
Knick knack paddy whack give themselves a
bone,
_____ men have sex alone.
_____ men, they play one,
They think they have all the fun.
_____ men, they play two,
They can’t get it up to screw.
_____ men, they play three,
They think they get sex for free.
_____ men, they play four,
They can’t get it up to score.
_____ men, they play five,
They don’t have enough sex drive.
_____ men, they play six,
Little men with little dicks.
_____ men, they play seven,
Masturbation is their heaven.
_____ men, they play eight,
They can’t get their dicks in straight.
_____ men, they play nine,
They take theirs up from behind.
_____ men, they play ten,
Little boys who think they’re men.
(Melody: This Old Man)
Substitute name of hash in blanks:
Chorus
Knick knack paddy whack give themselves a
tickle,
_____ women use a pickle.
_____ women, they play one,
They don’t know how to get it on.
_____ women, they play two,
They say, “Not now, I’ve got the flu.”
_____ women, they play three,
They say, “Not now, I’ve got to pee.”
_____ women, they play four,
They say, “Not now, who’s at the door?”
_____ women, they play five,
They’ll cut your balls off with a knife.
_____ women, they play six,
They’re never satisfied with our pricks.
_____ women, they play seven,
Life without sex is their idea of heaven.
_____ women, they play eight,
They always seem to have a headache.
_____ women, they play nine,
Their sex lives are in decline.
_____ women, they play ten,
If they were better looking they might get some
men.
He’s Got the Whole Bitch In His Hands
(Melody: He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands)
Works better if you have a very accommodating
female to play model, particularly a girlfriend
or spouse of “He”. This can be a very seductive
display with the right model and demonstrator.
Pack should clap to song.
He’s got the left foot in his hands,
(toe sucking appropriate here)
He’s got the whole left fo-ot in his hands,
He’s got the left foot in his hands,
He’s got the left foot his hands.
He’s got the right foot in his hands,
He’s got the whole right foot in his hands,
He’s got the right foot in his hands,
He’s got the right foot in his hands.
(Continues with various body parts, use your
imagination.)
He’s got the…
Left thigh in his hands.
(Optionally licks thigh as model permits)
Right thigh in his hands.
Left cheek in his hand.
(grabs behind model for ass cheek
With left hand and grinds)
Right cheek in his hand.
(grabs with both hands and grinds,
Continues to hold cheeks and grind
with next lines.)
Left tit in his mouth.
Right tit in his mouth.
Whole bitch in his hands.
(Melody: The Sounds of Silence)
Hello penis my old friend,
I’ve come to play with you again,
When those wet dreams come a-creeping,
I spurt my seeds while I am sleeping,
And with your helmet firmly planted in my hand,
It will expand, while jerking off in silence.
In horny dreams I get a bone,
I beat off on cobble stones,
Beneath the halo of a street lamp,
I see a whore who’s getting very damp,
And for some money in a flash she’s on her back,
She spreads her crack, and twitches her twat in silence.
Those who see and do not know,
How to make my penis grow,
I whipped you out so she might eat you,
I stuffed you up into her pussy spew,
And then my sperm, like silent raindrops fell,
And turned to gel, while jerking off in silence.
And the ants came out and played,
In the fucking mess I’d made,
But in heeding daddy’s warning,
That mum would find it in the morning,
So I rolled out of bed and wiped it up with my shirt,
God, what a squirt! Jerking off in silence.
(Melody: Addams Family)
They’re goofy and they’re itchy,
They make your girlfriend bitchy,
They hide out in her snitchy,
The Herpes Family!
Chorus
Da da da da (snap fingers twice),
Da da da da (snap fingers twice),
Da da da da, Da da da da, Da da da da, (snap fingers twice).
You can hardly see ’em,
But when you start a-pee’n,
They really get ya screamin’,
The Herpes Family!
If a scab you ta-aste,
It’s already to la-ate,
What a shitty da-ate,
The Herpes Family.
You really wouldn’t miss it,
If you didn’t kiss it,
Just put it in and piss it,
The Herpes Family.
(Melody: She Loves You)
I think I’ve got a dose,
And it’s not the dripping kind,
It’s the one that hurts the most,
And it makes you fucking blind.
Chorus
I think it’s herpes and you know that can be bad,
Yeah that herpes, it can make you fucking mad
Ohoooh,
I hate it yeah, yeah, yeah,
I hate it yeah, yeah, yeah,
With a dose like that it’s very, very sad.
I think I’ve got a dose,
And I got it yesterday,
I came so very close,
To giving it to the maid.
I know there’s something wrong,
‘Cause there’s blisters on my knob,
And the skin’s peeling off my dong,
And erections make it throb,
I’m going to see the quack,
‘Cause I cannot stand the pain,
I stuffed it up her crack,
But I won’t do that again,
When the doctor took his knife,
I went deeply into sho-o-ock,
What will I tell my wife,
He’s going to cut it off.
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s Off to the Burlesque Show
(Melody: Hi Ho, Hi Ho)
Chorus
Hi ho! Hi ho!
It’s off to the burlesque show,
We’ll sit up front,
To see their cunts.
Hi ho! Hi ho!
At half past eight,
We’ll masturbate.
We’ll sit up front,
To see their cunts.
Hi ho! Hi ho!
We’re small on wits,
But big on tits.
At half past eight,
We’ll masturbate.
We’ll sit up front,
To see their cunts.
Hi ho! Hi ho!
We’ll drop our drawers
And fuck some whores…
(Keep adding as above)
We’ll get a horn,
Eating popcorn.
I paid my buck,
Now where’s my fuck.
With back stage pass,
We’ll see some ass.
We’ll be urgin’
Many a virgin.
From 10 ’til 8,
We’ll fornicate.
From 9 ’til 10,
The girls will sin.
We’ll screw a while,
In the doggie style.
While they show puppies,
We’ll fuck some Yuppies.
We’ll spew our sperm,
At the paciderm.
(Melody: Yellow Rose of Texas)
Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It’s so speedy and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat your mom;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.
(Melody: Humoresque)
I love to go out after dark,
And goose the statues in the park,
A lovely pastime at the close of day!
Unperturbed they stand so still,
While whoops! it’s me that gets the thrill.
It really is a lovely way to play.
I’ve noticed lately,
They stand so stately,
Out there in the dark when dew is on the ground.
I sometimes tease them,
And do displease them,
If I fail to show up as the sun goes down.
The Thinker is the only one,
With whom I can have no fun.
He sits upon a boulder, rough and coarse.
Napoleon sits upon his steed,
I cannot goose him, no indeed,
And so instead I goose his horse.
Passengers will please refrain,
From flushing toilets while the train,
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation,
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.
If you simply have to go,
When other people are too slow,
There is only one thing you can do.
You’ll just have to take a chance,
Be brave and do it in your pants,
But I’ll forgive you, darling, I love you.
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able,
Get your big ass off the table,
Don’t you know the quarter is for beer?
You can always earn your pay,
But make your tips another way,
And I’ll forgive you, darling, I love you.
Ever since you met our Nelly,
She’s had trouble with her belly,
Wish you’d never seen our little town!
Ever since I met your Venus,
I’ve had trouble with my penis,
Wish I’d never seen your little town.
Was it you who did the pushin’,
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down?
Was it your sly woodpecker,
That got into my girl Rebecca?
If it was, you better leave this town.
It was I who did the pushin’,
Put the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I got into your daughter,
I’ve had trouble passing water,
Now I guess we’re even all around.
(Melody: My Way)
And now, the beer is near,
And so I’ll face the golden fluid.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
Without the beer, I wouldn’t be here.
I’ve tried low alcohol beer,
But then I’ve been on every highway,
But more, much more than this,
I didn’t get pissed.
Regrets, I’ve had so many,
So then again, back to the real booze,
I’ll do what hashers do,
And carry this load on my shoulders.
I’ll drink each brand of beer,
Until it makes me feel quite queer,
But more, much more than this,
I like to be pissed.
Yes, there were times,
I’m sure you knew,
When I drank, more than I should do.
But thru it all, even be-ing sick,
I drank it all and spit it out,
I faced the toilet,
And I stood tall
And regretted be-ing pissed.
I laughed, but then I cried,
Because there isn’t any beer left,
And now, I realize,
I didn’t find it so amusing.
To think, I drank all that,
And may I say, “Not in a shy way”
Oh no, oh not me,
I want to be pissed.
For what is a hasher,
Without a beer,
If there is none,
Then he stays sober,
He’ll say the things he truly feels,
And not the slime, just to get laid,
The harriettes know and make sure,
A harrier stays pissed.
(Melody: Toys R Us Jingle.)
I don’t wanna sober up,
I only have half a mind.
If the hares laid a short trail,
That would be kind.
From dicks to tits and swollen clits,
It’s the biggest debauchery there is.
I don’t wanna quit drinking,
Cuz if i do,
I wouldn’t have slept with you.
I Don’t Want to Be a Housewife
(Melody: I Don’t Want to Join the Army)
I don’t want to be a housewife,
I’d much rather be a whore,
I’d rather turn some tricks,
Involving foot long pricks,
Housework is a bore, gor blimey.
I don’t want to do his laundry,
I don’t want to cook his fucking food,
And if I’m getting laid,
I should be getting paid,
Or else I must be truly getting screwed, gor blimey.
(Melody: I Don’t Want to Join the Army)
I don’t want to join the navy,
I don’t want to be a man of war,
I would rather go down to old Soho,
Living off the earnings of a high class whore,
I don’t want a bullet up me backside.
I don’t want me knickers shot away.
I’d rather be in England, jolly-jolly England,
And fornicate me bloomin life away.
Chorus
Call out the members of the Queen’s marines,
Call out the King’s artillery,
Call out my mother, my sister and my brother,
But for God’s sake don’t call me.
I don’t want to join the Navy,
I don’t want to be a man of Mars,
I just want to hang around the Picadilly Underground,
Pinching all the girlies on their arses,
I don’t want no foreign women,
London’s got a lot I’ve never had,
I’d rather stay in England, jolly-jolly, England,
And follow the fly-prints of my Dad.
Sunday night my hand was on her ankle,
Monday night my hand was on her knee,
Tuesday night, success! I lifted up her dress,
Wednesday night I lifted up her lace chemise,
Thursday night I got my hand upon it,
Friday night I gave it just a tweak,
Saturday after supper,
I finally got ir up her,
And I’m not paying seven bob a week. Gor Blimey.
(By Smoking Wiener, Melody: I Did It My Way)
And now, the end is here,
And so I face the final check back.
My friends, I’ll say it clear.
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life, a life that’s full;
I’ve hashed each and every highway,
And more, much more than this,
I hashed it my way.
BJ’s, I’ve had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do,
And saw it through without extension.
I planned each charted trail,
Each careful mark along the trailway,
And more, much more than this,
I hashed it my way.
Yes, there were times,
I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more,
Than I could chew,
But through it all,
When there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all, and I stood tall,
And hashed it my way.
I’ve loved. I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing,
And now as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing,
To think, and may I say,
Not in a shy way,
Oh no, oh no not me.
I hashed it my way.
For what is a Hasher, what has he got?
If not his whistle,
Then he has naught.
To hash the trail he truly feels,
And not the marks of one who kneels.
The record shows,
I took the blows,
And HASHED IT MY WAY!
(Melody: Three Blind Mice. For harriettes.)
I like cock,
I like cock,
See how they rise,
See how they rise,
They fit so nicely and feel so grand,
They come in all sizes, all shapes and brands,
There’s nothing finer than making them stand,
‘Cause I like cock,
I like cock.
(Melody: Three Blind Mice, for Harriers.)
I like cunt,
I like cunt,
Up against railings I’ve often stood,
Fucking young ladies and doing them good,
It’s so much better than pulling your pud,
‘Cause I like cunt,
I like cunt.
(Melody: When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
I met a whore in the park one day
Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I met a whore in the park one day
Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I met a whore in the park one day, she said hey hasher you wanna play?
Chorus
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe
Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re way too low!”
Chorus
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
Ya Ho! Ya Ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re teasin’ me!”
Chorus
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh…
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re way too shy!”
I put my hand upon her tit…
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re squeezin’ it!”
I put my hand upon her chin…
She said, “Hey Hasher, stick it in!”
I put my dick into her mouth
She said, “mmmmm mmmm mmm”
I put my hand upon her breast…
She said, “Hey Hasher, I want the rest!”
I put my hand upon her twat…
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’ve hit the spot.”
(Slower and with reverence – hats off!)
We put her in a wooden box…
From sucking too many Hasher’s cocks.
We dig her up now and then…
We fucked her once, we’ll fuck her again.
Now this poor hasher went to hell
She fucked the devil and his wife as well
Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner
(Melody: I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner)
Oh, I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner,
That is what I’d really like to be-e-ee,
‘Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner,
You’d like a weiner plug your cunt with me!
Oh, I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner,
That is what I’d really like to be-e-ee,
‘Cause like you use an Oscar Meyer Weiner,
There’d be really nothing left of me.
I’ve Got a Start on a Twelve-Inch Hard On
(Melody: I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover)
I’ve got a start on a twelve-inch hard on,
That I’ve had all af-ter-noon.
Went to the doctor, he told me to cough.
I wish that he would, have whacked it right off!
Come to me, Venus, mas-sage my penis,
And shrivel it like a prune,
‘Cause I’ve got a start on a twelve-inch hard on,
That I’ll probably have till June, till June,
That I’ll probably have till June.
(Melody: If I Only Had a Brain, from the Wizard of Oz)
I could wile away the hours,
Searchin’ hills for flour,
Across a wide terrain.
I’d be chipper, and I’d be cheerful,
If my stomach had a beerful,
‘Cause I’ve only half a brain.
With my arms and legs akimbo,
I’ll be chasing after bimbos,
Through mud, thorns, and rain.
I’ll be making lots of passes,
As I fondle all their asses,
‘Cause I’ve only half a brain.
Chorus
I’ll do down-downs till the keg begins to spit,
Then I’ll fire one up and take a little hit
(Melody: Jingle Bells)
Dashing down the road,
With a cooler full of pies,
It’s a heavy load,
But it’s for us guys.
Chorus
Oh, Morgan’s pies, Morgan’s pies,
Morgan, you’re a dick.
When we eat your fucking pies,
We gety fucking sick.
I ate a Morgan pie,
A down-down I did do,
Now I’ve got that fucking pie,
Caked upon my shoe.
His moped has arrived,
Fiesta time is right,
What fun it is to eat and puke,
Some Morgan’s putrid pies.
We sing this little song,
We sing it just for you,
Now we think it’s only right,
That you should eat one too.
(Melody: A Spoonful of Sugar)
Chorus
Just a mouthful of Singha makes the jism go down,
The jism go down, the jism go down,
Just a mouthful of Singha makes the jism go down,
In the most delightful way.
A young girl feathering her nest,
Has very little time to rest,
She must make each and every short time count,
And though she’d like to go to bed,
She knows she must give head,
But she knows a swig,
Will help it slide down quick.
He didn’t want to be a boy,
That’s why he is now a katoey,
Preying on drunken tourists late at night,
And though his rear end isn’t funny,
He knows he’ll make his money,
Giving head on the beach,
With something to stop that retch.
A young man trying to get along,
Had better not do any wrong,
If he wants to make chief on a western boat,
And though he’s bought the boss some drink,
And tipped his wife the wink,
He’ll find in the end,
He’s still sucking a bell-end.
A young wife won’t get very far,
If she can’t get that brand new car,
But hubby, the old miser, won’t give in,
But she knows she’ll soon have those keys,
As she gets down on her knees,
You shouldn’t drink and drive,
But with jism it’s alright.
Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut cunt.
It’s round in the stern and blunt in the front,
Mrs. Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
(Melody: Ghostriders in the Sky)
The municipal sewerageman stood out upon the rim,
(‘Pon the rim, ‘pon the rim),
The municipal sewerageman fell in and couldn’t swim,
(Couldn’t swim, couldn’t swim),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a stone,
You could hear the maggots cryin’ out,
“You’re on your fuckin’ own.”
Chorus
Shitty-i-ayyy, Shitty-i-ohhh,
Ghost maggots in the overflow,
(Overflow, overflow).
For six long days and weary nights he tried to stay afloat,
(Stay afloat, stay afloat),
But every time he cried for help,
A turd caught in his throat,
(In his throat, in his throat),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a rock,
You could hear the maggots,
Munchin’ on his cock.
The moral of this story is if you should shovel shit,
(Shovel shit, shovel shit),
Be careful of your footing,
Or you might end up in it,
(Up in it, up in it),
You’ll sink down to the bottom,
(Slowly…)
You’ll sink down like a stone,
You’ll hear the maggots cryin’ out,
Wheeee-aaaaah-wheeee,
“You’re on your fuckin’ own.”
I am the music man,
I come from down your way,
And I can play.
Pack: What can you play?
I play the viola.
Pack: How does it go?
(with gestures)
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la,
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.
I am the music man,
I come from down your way,
And I can play.
Pack: What can you play?
I play the piccolo.
Pack: How does it go?
Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low, pick-alow,
Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low-a-low.
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la,
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.
(Continue adding as above thefollowing verses:)
I play the German horn…
German-German-German-horn,…
I play the Sexyphone…
Sexy-sexy-sexy-phone…
I play the Piano
Pia, pia, piano, piano, piano…
I play the Trombone
Trom, trom, trombone, trombone, trombone…
I sing like Michael Jackson…
Holy shit my hair’s on fire, hair’s on fire…
I sing like Grace Kelly…
Holy shit the brakes don’t work, brakes don’t work…
I sing like Michael Jackson…
Here here little boy, little boy…
I act like Nataile Wood
Glug, glug, glug, glug…
I sing like Michael Jackson…
Oh, shit I’m going to jail, going to jail,…
I preach like Pope John Paul
Bless you , bless you, bless you son, bless you son, bless you
son…(putting hands in beer and sprinkle others)
I dance like Gene Kelly…
I’m singing in the rain…
(Continue lead-in to “Singing in the Rain”)
(Melody: Daylight Come and I Want to Go Home)
Get the pack to do the line: “Run the Hash cos’ I
wanna go home.”
I said to my girl, “What are ya’ doin’ tomorrow?”
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
Would you like to go on the Hash in ______?
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
So, I picked her up in my little auto.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
She sure looked pretty, I said “Oh mama.”
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
Chorus
Day-oh, Da-a-a-ay-oh,
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
Day-oh, Da-ay-oh-Da-a-oh-Da-a-oh,
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
But this is where my troubles began-ah.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
That’s when she spotted my big banana.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
She leaned over and grabbed my banana.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
Peeled back the skin–eyes like a piranha.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
I said, “Oh no, not my prize banana!”
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
But she bit off the top in a violent manner.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
Now, I’ve got just a little banana.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
And that’s the end of my family planner.
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
(All slowly)
Run the Hash cos’ I wanna go home.
(Melody: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
“My Dead Whore” parody.
I saw a dead hash on the hash-l,
I knew right away it was dead.
No seal of approval from ZiPpY,
You shouldn’t go to it, he said (he said),
You shouldn’t go to it, he said.
Chorus
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my Nash Hash to me (to me!)
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Nash Hash to me.
I saw the Nash Hash in the message,
It looked like a great place to be.
But Swamp Bitch said Pike’s Peak was better,
“It’s not a real choice to me.” (She said!)
“It’s not a real choice to me!”
The Nash Hash looked like a real goner,
Some tried to say it was tradition.
But Flying B., Cold Cuts and others,
Said what they propose is sedition (sedition!)
What they propose is sedition!
So Birmingham hashers were given,
The facts as they came from hash-l.
They laughed so hard beer spewed forever,
For all of the whinners, to hell. (to hell!)
For all of the whinners, to hell!
So if you send flyers to hash-l,
Make sure that you ask the right guys.
ZiPpY and F. B. and Cold Cuts,
And make sure that they thought it up
(upchuck!)
And make sure that they thought it up!
Now the USA Nash Hash did happen,
Regardless any list whinner.
Thank ‘G’ that the whiners were missing,
It made the Nash Hash that much finer (finer!)
It made the Nash Hash that much finer!
My One Tit Hangs Down to My Two Tit
(Melody: My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean.
My one tit sags down with my two tit,
My belly sags down when I pee.
My fat ass sags down when I squat-shit,
My pussy sags down to my knee,
Chorus
Bring back, bring back,
Bring back my big tit to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my big tit to me, to me.
My body lies over the ocean,
My body lies over the sea.
My father lies over my mother,
And that’s how they created me.
My name is Jack (Na na na, Na na na),
I’m a necrophiliac (Na na na, Na na na),
I fucks dead wimmen (Na na na, Na na na),
And I fills ’em full of jism.
I get frustrated (Na na na, Na na na),
When they’re cremated (Na na na, Na na na),
Cause try as I must (Na na na, Na na na),
I can’t fuck dust!
My name is Judy (Na na na, Na na na),
My favorite stiff’s a beauty (Na na na, Na na na),
Though his pecker’s soft and thin (Na na na, Na na na),
I find his femur slips right in.
Most girls like their guys aware (Na na na, Na na na),
Me, I prefer Joe’s lifeless stare
(Na na na, Na na na),
Don’t you call me a ghoul (Na na na, Na na na),
Just ’cause my Joe’s real cool!
My name is Phil (Na na na, Na na na),
I likes my wimmen still (Na na na, Na na na),
I whack off in (Na na na, Na na na),
An occupied coffin.
I love wrinkly wimmen (Na na na, Na na na),
Who are over sixty-five (Na na na, Na na na),
Especially if they died (Na na na, Na na na),
At twenty-five!
Each day I try to copulate,
With my favorite deceased mate.
My name is Mary (Na na na, Na na na),
I met my lover through an obituary (Na na na, Na na na),
So what if he’s dead (Na na na, Na na na),
At least he doesn’t fart in bed.
I like his leathery skin (Na na na, Na na na),
I can poke it with a pin (Na na na, Na na na),
And when the worms come out his butt (Na na na, Na na na),
I feed them to the mutt!
(Melody: Side by Side)
Harrier verses
Put your left leg over my shoulder,
Put your right leg over my shoulder,
(Wag tongue)
La-la-la-la-la-laa, la-la-la-laa, la la laa.
Put your left tit over my shoulder,
Put your right tit over my shoulder,
(Shake head side to side)
Bla-bla-bla-bla-blaa, bla-bla-blaa, bla bla blaa.
Harriette verse in reply
(falsetto if sung by a harrier)
Put your left nut over my shoulder,
Put your right nut over my shoulder,
(Move head in and out)
Humma-humma-hum-hummm, humma-humhummm, hum hum hummm
(Melody: Rawhide)
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin,
My dick is gettin’ swollen,
I got this doggie rollin’, Rawhide.
My knob is hard as leather,
But I’ll get it in whatever,
I wish I could get the tip inside,
I stab but I keep missin’,
This wasn’t made for pissin’,
I’m waiting for this year’s first ride.
Chorus
Pull ’em down, get ’em off,
Get ’em off, pull ’em down,
Pull ’em down, Get ’em off, Rawhide.
When I visit memorial parks,
My pussy starts emitting sparks.
My name is Brucie (Na na na, Na na na),
I’m weird and fey and swishy (Na na na, Na na na)
(Melody: Tie Me Kangaroo Down)
Chorus
Necrophilia’s best, boys,
Necrophilia’s best, (Fuck a cadaver!)
Necrophilia’s best, boys,
Necrophilia’s best.
Give head to the dead, girls,
Give head to the dead, (Necrophilia!)
Give head to the dead, girls,
Give head to the dead, (Everybody)
(Do the following verses as above)
Do it lots ‘fore she rots, boys…
Suck some decomposed toes, girls…
Stroke her hips in a crypt, boys…
Fuck her defunct cunt, boys…
Shoo the flies off her thighs, guys…
Pinch your nipples hard in the graveyard, girls…
Do your boffin’ in a coffin, mates…
Plant your pelvis on Elvis, girls…
Rub your slit on Sonny Stitt, girls…
Suck the dong of Mao Tse-Tung, girls…
Sink your cable in Betty Grable, boys…
Go to bed with the dead, Fred…
Use the staff of a stiff, girls…
The best of course is a corpse, boys…
Get some authentic skull, mates…
Jack off on old Jackie, boys…
Shoot some creum in a mausoleum, boys…
That Kim Il Sung is sure hung, girls…
(Melody: On Top of Old Smokie)
On top of Old Sophie,
All covered with sweat.
I’ve used fourteen rubbers,
But she hasn’t come yet.
For fucking’s a pleasure,
and farting’s relief.
But a long-winded lover,
Will bring nothing but grief.
She’ll kiss you and hug you,
Say it won’t take long.
But two hours later,
You’re still going strong.
So come all you lovers,
And listen to me.
Don’t waste your erection,
On a long winded she.
For your root will just wither,
And your passion will die.
And she will forsake you,
And you’ll never know why.
Orlandos InterAmericas Hash Song
(Melody: Come Monday)
Headed out to Orlando,
For the Labor day InterHash,
I’ve got my muddy shoes on,
I guess I never was meant for running marathons.
Hey fellows, I didn’t know,
But If she’s willing to go,
Down on me, I’ll be all right,
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight.
Chorus
I’ve spent four awesome days,
In the shiggy Everglades,
And I just want to drink some more beer!
Yes, it’s been quite a weekend,
Empty Kegs and piss in the pool,
And now we’re off to the hot tub,
For Jammies toe sucking school.
Hey Darlin, it’s hard don’t you know,
That’s the reason I need you to go,
Down on me, and I’ll be all right,
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight.
I can’t help it Honey,
I laughed at your pussy fart sound,
Remember that night in the stairwell,
When we thought there’d be no-one around.
(break)
I hope you’re enjoying the sucking,
I swear I won’t cum in your mouth,
I promise I’ll look you Darlin,
Next time that I’m headed down south,
Thank you mam, what a pleasure it’s been,
Could you tell me your Hashname again? (as you go)
Down on me, I’ll be all right,
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight.
(repeat chorus twice)
(Melody: From the Halls of Montezuma)
There’s a man we call our GM,
Who’s brave & fine & mad,
And we’ll follow him forever,
Though his mental state is bad.
We’ll run for him in sunshine,
We’ll run for him in rain,
Though we know he’s got a swelling,
On the front part of his brain.
Oh, he may have little black-outs,
But they’re only fairly slight,
He has moments of depression,
When the Hares don’t get it right.
He’s got all the classic symptoms,
Of advanced mental decay,
Still we’ll kill ourselves for GM,
Despite all the doctors say.
Over the River And Through the Woods
(Melody: Over the River And Through the Woods)
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
This trail really sucks,
The pack’s out of luck,
Why are we in Mexico?
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
If we find the hare,
We’ll strip him all bare,
And into the creek he will go!
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
If we find the On-In,
The Down-Downs begin,
A singin’ and drinkin’ show.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
We’ll pass ’round the jug,
And fill up our mug,
As the beer and the whisky flow.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
I asked her for sex,
She said I was next,
After Larry, Curley and Moe.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
She wanted a bed,
I asked for some head,
She obliged me with a blow.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
I tripped on a rock,
And busted my cock,
It needs Viagra to grow.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
When you can’t have sex,
And your girl is your ex,
Give your thumb and fingers a go.
Asshole, asshole,
A soldier I would be,
To piss, to piss,
Two pistols on my knee.
Fuck you, fuck you,
For curiosity.
To fight for the old cunt,
To fight for the old cunt,
Fight for the old country.
(Melody: Precious Memories)
Precious mem’ries, last night’s down down,
Beer kegs floating by the score.
Drank some whiskey, puked on the ground,
Woke that morn next to a whore.
Chorus
Precious mem’ries, last night’s down down,
Woke that morn next to a whore.
In the sunlight, she was a fright,
Beer, no whiskey any more.
Guide me father, help me mother,
Why’d I have to see this sight,
Did some hashin’, and some drinkin’,
Don’t deserve this awful plight.
As I’m hashin’, on the pathway,
Not a worry nor a fear,
But I promise, at the down down,
I’ll pass the whiskey, drink the beer.
(Melody: Pretty Woman)
Pretty Hasher, running down the street,
Pretty Hasher, the kind I like to meet,
Pretty Hasher, I don’t believe you, you’re not true,
No one could have tits like you.
Pretty Hasher, won’t you pardon me,
Pretty Hasher, I couldn’t help but see,
Pretty Hasher, you look horny, I can see,
Are you horny just like me?
Pretty Hasher, stop a while,
Pretty Hasher, talk a while,
Pretty Hasher, give your cunt to me,
Pretty Hasher, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pretty Hasher, say you’ll cum,
Pretty Hasher, say you’ll cum with me,
‘Cause I need you, I’ll treat you right,
Cum with me baby, climax tonight.
Pretty Hasher, don’t run on by,
Pretty Hasher, don’t make me cry,
Pretty Hasher, don’t run away.
OK, if that’s the way it must be,
OK, I guess I’ll go home and masturbate,
There’ll be tomorrow night, I’ll wait.
What do I see?
Is she jogging back to me?
Yes, she’s jogging back to me,
Oh, oh, pretty Hasher.
(Melody: Baby Face)
Pubic hairs.
You’ve got the cutest little pubic hairs.
There’s nothing that can compare,
Pubic hairs.
Penis or vagina, there’s nothing that could be finer,
Pubic hairs.
I’m up in heaven when I’m in your underwear,
Stick it in, pull it out,
Pull it out, stick it in,
Stick it in, pull it out, Rawhide.
She’s movin’, movin’, movin’,
Stops my manhood groovin’,
This doggie won’t stop movin’, Raw- hide.
It’s gonna be sore later,
But I’ve been a masturbator,
All those years that I’ve just spent inside,
My balls they are aching,
From ages wanking, waiting,
Waiting to get this thing inside.
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’,
I’m rootin’ her assholin’,
We’re mounted doggy style, Rawhide.
I don’t try to understand her,
Just catch and grope and bang her,
Now her twat is gettin’ wet and wide,
My foreskin’s torn and tattered,
Her pussy’s worn and battered,
At last I’ll drop my load inside.
(Melody: Return to Sender)
I gave my cum to the sperm bank,
Some semen in a sack.
Bright and early next morning,
They brought my semen back.
They wrote upon it:
Return to sender,
Species unknown.
No such donor,
No more bone.
She wanted a baby,
Begged me for my sack.
I gave her my-seed,
But my seed keeps cumming back.
So then I cummed into the mailbox,
And sent it Special D,
Bright and early next morning,
If came right back to me.
She wrote upon it:
Return to sender,
Species unknown.
No such donor,
No more bone.
This time I’m gonna cum on her,
And put it right in her hand.
And if it cums back the very next day,
Then I’ll understand.
The writing on it:
Return to sender,
Species unknown.
No such donor,
No more bone.
(Melody: Rubber Ducky)
Rubber dickie, you’re the one,
You make bedtime so much fun,
Rubber dickie, I’m awfully fond of you,
(boop boop a doo).
Rubber dickie, toy of toys,
When you’re in me I make noise,
Rubber dickie, you’re my very best friend,
It’s true.
Every day when I make my way to my beddie,
I find my rubber dickie is always charged up and ready,
I like to wear my teddy.
Rubber dickie, you’re so fine,
And I’m happy that you are mine,
Rubber dickie, I’m awfully fond of,
Rubber dickie, you’re the magical wand of,
Rubber dickie, you’re the one that I love in me.
(Melody: The Candy Man)
Songmaster: Who can take some jumper cables,
Pack: Who can take some jumper cables,
Songmaster: Attach ’em to her tits,
Pack: Attach ’em to her tits,
Songmaster: Connect them to a Mack truck,
So she has orgasmic fits?
Chorus
Songmaster: The S & M Girl…
Pack: The S & M Girl…
Songmaster: The S & M Girl.
Pack: The S & M Girl…
Together:
The S & M Girl,
‘Cause she mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
Makes the hurt feel good.
Who rubs down with honey,
Just to have a chance,
To lay out on the lawn,
And be a picnic for fire ants?
Who can sleep on barbed wire,
Tossing left and right,
Just to see how many stitches,
She can earn each night?
Who can shave her body,
Pubic parts and all,
Swim around all day,
In a pool of alcohol?
Who can jump a flagpole,
Land right up on top,
Wiggle down and squeeze so tight,
The truck on top pops?
Who can take a buzz saw,
Hold it to her twat,
Rev up the engine,
And perpetually squat?
Who ties down her sweetie,
Every single day,
Covers him with rats,
And lets the kitties in to play?
Who can take some shackles,
Chain you to the walls,
Fill a glass with sperm,
By lancing both your balls?
(See “The S & M Man” for more verses)
(Melody: The Candy Man)
Songmaster: Who can take a bicycle,
Pack: Who can take a bicycle,
Songmaster: Tear off the leather seat.
Pack: Tear off the leather seat.
Songmaster: Impale a virgin on it, push her
down a bumpy street.
Chorus
Songmaster: The S & M Man…
Pack: The S & M Man…
Songmaster: The S & M Man.
Pack: The S & M Man…
Together:
The S & M Man,
‘Cause he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
Makes the hurt feel good.
Who can take a dildo,
Ram it up your rear.
Then fuck ya all night long,
Until the shit comes out your ears.
Who can take a cat-o-nine,
Tie you to the floor.
Whip you ’til you bleed,
And you’re begging for some more.
Who can take a wood saw,
Rusted, dully cuts,
Saw it back and forth,
Til he cuts off both your nuts?
Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up real high,
Shove it up your arse,
Just to hear you scream and sigh?
Who can take some sandpaper,
With very course grit,
Rub it back and forth,
Until you have a bleeding clit?
Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?
Who take some jumper cables,
Clamp one to each tit,
Slap them on the batt’ry,
Then ride the shaking bitch?
Who can take a sander,
Made by Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you’ve got a bleedin’ pecker?
Who can take a riding crop,
Beat you ‘cross the chest.
Ride you like a pony,
‘Til you think that you’re the best.
Who can take a hammer,
And pound it on your dick,
And hit it even harder,
‘Til you cum until you’re sick?
Who can take a candle,
Melt it on your skin.
Watch it blister up,
Then stick it with a pin.
Who can take your penis,
Put it in a door,
Slam it really hard,Until you’re screamingMORE MORE!?
Who can take a tire iron,
Stick up your hole,
Screw a jack way up your ass,
Until you rock ‘n roll.
Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?
Who can take a transient,
Rip out one of his eyes,
Skull fuck the bastard,
Until the cum he cries?
Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead,
And then toss her in a bag?
Who can take a pussy,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And bake it for a feast?
Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listen to her fry?
Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride you like a Harley,
While he fucks you up the rear?
Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up your arse,
Fuck you up the rear,
Til you’re shitting chunks of glass?
Who can shave your pussy,
Without the shaving cream,
Slap some on some Aqua Velva,
Just to hear you scream?
Who can take a vibrator,Give it to ya hard.
Fuck ya all night long,
Like the nympho that ya are.
Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up your prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?
Who can take a Coke bottle,
Shove it up her ass,
Kidney punch the bitch,
Until she’s shitting blood and glass?
Who can take a vice clamp,
Clamp it on a tit,
Squeeze the sucker down,
Until it pops just like a zit?
Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch,
And make vagina parmesian?
Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Sish-ka-bob style?
Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up your arse,
Until you’re shitting chunks of blood?
Who can take a Grandma,
Out into the yard,
Then grandpa comes out on the porch,
And hollers, “Fuck ‘er hard!”
Who can cut your dick off,
And feed it to the cat,
‘Cause we all know hungry pussies,
Need more and more of that.
Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
Until he has no pubic hair?
Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her til she’s dead,
Fuck her even harder,
Til the fetus gives him head?
Who can take a hangman’s noose,
Slip it ’round your head,
Climb a box and pull the rope,
And fuck you till you’re dead.
Who can take a branding iron,
Fire it ’til its hot.
Ram it up your ass,
When your wad is almost shot.
Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?
Who can work abortions,
Wrap them in a sack,
Save them all for later,
When he wants a tasty snack?
Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?
Who can take just two bricks,
Take one in each hand,
Bang them on his balls,
Like the cymbals in the band?
Who can take your penis,
Tie it all in knots,
Wipe it all with shiggy,
Until the fucker rots?
Who can take a Pit Bull,
Let him eat your dick,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While you lie there very sick?
Who can take some handcuffs,
Tie you to the bed,
Whip you on the bottom,
‘Til your ass is bloody red.
Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?
Who can drive an ambulance,
To a totalled cadillac,
Fuck the injured woman,
And her daughters in the back.
Who will run through briars,
Ripping up his flesh,
And like a crazy hasher,
Repeat the bloody mess?
(See “The S & M Girl”)
Sally in the alley, sifting cinders,
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man,
Wind from her butt blew out six winders,
Cheeks of her ass went BAM! BAM! BAM!
(Melody: Fraire Jacques)
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
One by one,
One by one.
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my toes off,
Gonna cut my toes off,
One by one,
One by one.
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
One by one,
One by one.
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Poking out my eyes,
Poking out my eyes,One by one,
One by one.
(Harriers)
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my gonads,
Cutting off my gonads,
One by one,
One by one.
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my penis,
Cutting off my penis,
Inch by inch,
Inch by inch.
(Harriettes)
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my titties off,
Gonna cut my titties off,
One by one,
One by one.
Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Gonna yank my diaphram,
Gonna yank my diaphram,
‘Til it bleeds,
‘Til it bleeds.
(Melody: Battle Hymn of the Republic)
My eyes have seen the glory,
Of the coming of the whore,
Who had fucked all round Jakarta,
But had never cum before,
She’d fuck and suck most anything,
And she had a running sore,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
Chorus
Gorey, gorey what a woman,
Gorey, gorey what a woman,
Gorey, gorey what a woman,
‘Cause she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
That whore had gone around the world,
In and out of every bed,
But though she tried with all her might,
Her cunt felt almost dead,
But with all the fucking that she’d done,
She had never cum, she said.
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
She almost quit then in despair,
But then she had a flash,
She said “I’ve tried most everything,
But haven’t tried the Hash!
And all those jerks are so pissed up,
They’ll never see the rash.”
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
And so one steaming Monday night,
She found the Anchor truck,
She could see by the crazed looks in their eyes ,
That she would have some luck,
So she strolled into the circle,
And challenged anyone to fuck,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The Hash Master was in control,
And so he stepped up first,
But sadly the man had drunk too much,
And over-quenched his thirst,
When he pulled his flaccid penis out,She
laughed like she would burst,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The Joint Hash Masters took a turn,
They stepped up one by one,
But with each prick she gave a sigh,
For still she hadn’t cum.
She said “You’re no good at fucking,
You’d best go back and run.”
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The Masters of Music tried their hands,
But couldn’t do a thing,
One was so tired from running,
All he could do was sing,
The other tried a short cut,
Got his prick lost in her ring,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
Hash Cash stepped hard into the fray,
And tried to fill the breach,
But when he put it up inside,
She said it wouldn’t reach,
So she grabbed the Secretary,
And she sucked him like a leech,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The Scribe stepped up and cried,
“The pen is mightier than the sword.”
But when he jumped upon her,
She just lay there looking bored.
She said, “You’re really nothing,
When you’ve whored like I have whored”
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The Religious Adviser said a prayer,
And called upon the gods,
The only way to make her cum,
Was with his divine rod,
But even with celestial help,
He was like the other sods,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
All in the circle took their turns,
The Germans and Frogs,
The Aussies, Yank and Pommies,
And even a couple of Wogs,
But the Dutchmen were the first in line,
To shed their running togs,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
When they all had finished she said,
“There’s something I must tell,
I’ve laid here in the circle
And watched all your pricks swell,
But for all the good you’ve done for me,
You can all go straight to hell.”
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
They each had tried her one by one,
As she lay upon the grass,
They’d jammed it up her cunt and mouth,
And some had tried her ass,
The one thing that they hadn’t tried,
Was to fuck her all en masse,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
What alone they didn’t do,
They accomplished it in sum,
With three pricks between each finger,
And 18 up her bum,
And 16 each in cunt and mouth,
She said “I think I’ve cum!”
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
The city bells began to peel,
Her body began shake,
Exploding rockets lit the sky,
The earth began to quake,
That one massive orgasm,
Was all that she could take,
But she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
And when they climbed down off her
And they looked upon the ground,
Nothing of her could be seen,
And nothing could be found,
They said though she was one good fuck,
She’d never be a Hash House Hound,
For she ain’t gonna fuck no more.
(Melody: Turkey in the Straw)
Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man come,
And the nipple on her tit is as big as my thumb,
She’s a mean motherfucker, she’s a great cocksucker,
She’s a Harriet!
(Melody: Mickey Mouse Club Song)
S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L
Shitty trail, (Shitty trail!)
Shitty trail, (Shitty trail!)
The *mother fucker(s) gave us shitty trail!
I would rather drink some beer,
Than hash your shitty trail,
S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L
(*If female hare, you may substitute ‘dizzy
(Melody: Sixteen Tons)
Some peo-ple say a trail is made out of mud,
A hash-er’s made out of beer soaked blood,
Beer and blood, skin and bones,
A mind that’s half, a sex drive that’s strong.
Chorus
Sixteen checks, what do you get?
A little bit closer and a thirst you can’t wet.
Can’t drink, can’t piss, I can’t give up,
I owe a down down when the hash cir-cles up.
He was born a hasher and baptised in beer,
He picked up his hash and he ran like a deer.
He layed sixteen checks and a whole lot of trail,
And I curse his name, I want to whip his tail.
I’m getting so thirsty I don’t think I can see,
My bladders empty, but I still gotta pee.
I found sixteen checks and shiggy galore,
And I lost one shoe and my shorts I tore.
An On-In is shining in the distant trees,
I see ole Gispert a wavin’ to me.
After sixteen checks just look at the beer,
I’ve gone to hash heaven and I love it here!
(Melody: Sixteen Tons)
Chorus
You run 16 miles and what’d you get?
Another day older and covered in shit!
Great Hasher don’t you call me, ’cause I can’t go,
I’ve short cut the trail and I’ve miles to go.
Well, I woke up this morning in a bed – not mine.
With my Nike’s in my hands, left for ON-ONs to find.
I started with my buddies at half past three,
But I short-cut the trail, now I’m an SCB.
Well, I looked for trail all over the place.
I could’a followed on’s but I wanted to race.
Thought I’d get ahead – thought it’d be so boss,
But I followed my ass, now I’m lost, lost, lost!
Well, I asked the Hare how much further to run.
He held up both hands – said “Let me show you son.
Just count these fingers and multiply by nine.”
Oh, Great Hasher, please show me a sign!
So I’ve run for hours under the blazing sun.
I really don’t know how far I’ve run.
I wanted a cold beer but I’ll settle for wine,
Oh, Great Hasher for some fruit of the vine,
Great Hasher won’t you call me, I’m having fits.
I’ve short-cut the trail, And now I’m covered in shit!
I’ve run 16 miles on this trail of tears,
I lost my sole and I need a beer. (to chorus 2)
Chorus
You run 16 miles and what’d you get?
Another day older and covered in shit!
Great Hasher don’t you call me, because I fear,
I lost my sole and I need a beer.
(Melody: Frosty the Snowman)
Skippy the Squirrel is a jolly happy soul,
With his smashed out brains and his broken nose,
And some gravel up his hole.
Skippy the Squirrel is a hasher’s tale they say,
He was just too slow and the hashers know,
He was squished to death one day.
There must have been some magic,
In that old dead squirrel they found,
For when they tied him to the bus he began to fly around.
Oh, Skippy the Squirrel is as dead as he can be,
But the hashers say he can hash and play,
Just the same as you and me.
(whistle interlude)
Skippy the Squirrel knew the sun was hot that day,
So he said, “Lets run,
And we’ll have some fun, before I rot away.”
Down to the Apres, with a rope tied to his tail,
Flying here and there, all around the square,
Saying , “You’ll go straight to hell.”
He led them down the trail that day,
Right to a parking lot,
Where Monster Bator licked a girl,
Whose father called a cop.
Monster and Skippy had to hurry out of there,
But they waved good-bye,
Sayin ‘, “Don’t you cry, we’ll be back again next year.”
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,
Hear those squirrellies die,
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,
Look at Skippy fly.
(Melody: Do, Re, Mi)
Give ______ a beer, a really big beer,
We will watch him drink it down.
Girls, you know if he drinks it all,
He will never get it up.
Oh, the stories sad to tell,
It picked up and then it fell.
You would die if you could see,
______ slap his tiny wee-wee.
(Melody: Walking in a Winter Wonderland)
Subtitle: Only Real Men Run the SouthSide
Lacy things, have gone missing,
Didn’t ask her permission,
They’re wearing her clothes,
Her silk panty-hose,
And running ’round in womens’ underwear.
Chorus
Okay guys, if you wanna,
You can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
Make a SouthSide parade,
Go running ’round in womens’ underwear.
On ET, there is a teddy,
Little straps, like spaghetti,
It hugs him real tight,
Like Primo’s handcuffs at night,
He’s running ’round in womens’ underwear.
The SouthSide GM, he’s a fancy fella,
He likes to put them onto auto-pay,
About blokes in dresses,
He says “No way!
“But running in your high heels, that’s Okay.”
Over the hills, see them coming,
SouthSide Hashers are running,Dressed up like
Bo-Peep,
‘Cause they’re all into sheep,
And running ’round in womens’ underwear.
On SouthSide Hash, there’s a guy called Panda,
He likes to pretend that he’s not gay,
He says, “Are you ready?”
We say, “No way!
Well–do you think these shoes will be okay?”
Come and join SouthSide Hashers,
They don’t mind if you’re flashers,
They’ll dress you all up,
Put on a “B” cup,
And run around in womens’ underwear.
(Slower)
For they’re not adverse,
To dressing reverse,
And running ’round in womens’ underwear.
(Melody: Strangers in the Night)
Spiders in my hair,
How fucking frightful,
Spiders in my hair,
Far from delightful,
This humongous bug,
Could be poisonous.
Running down my back,
It makes my skin crawl,
Disappears into my crack,
Down by my left ball,
Now I’m fucking sick,
It’s headed for my dick.
It’s way past time to drop,
My pants and leap,
Around in crazy dance…
Fuck this jungle shit,
Give me some urban,
My hair is full of webs,
A sticky turban,
I may soon be dead,
Before this hash is through.
Now I’m back on trail,
Then just like alwlays,
Without fucking fail,
I see the “On Back,”
Webs hanging from my face,
I turn back in disgrace.
I’ve risked my life for little gain,
I’ll have to run the hash again, and
Then I see the tracks in jungle clearing,
With you crazy fucks, all sweat and beering,
You just don’t fucking care,
About spiders in my hair.
(Melody: Oh, Diana)
I’m so young and you’re so old,
You’ve had a baby I’ve been told,
I don’t care what my friends say,
I’ll pay your bar fine any day,
You and I shall never part,
I’ll give you five hundred bhat,
Oh, please go down on me, Suckanya.
I bought you a house and brand new car,
In the Rock Hard you’re a star,
You go out late every night,
Come home at noon, oh, what a sight,
In your heart I’ll always stay,
As long as I can pay, pay, pay,
Oh, please go down on me, Suckanya.
You gave me clap and you wear gold,
My motorcycle you have sold,
To pay my bills at Adam and Eve,
The fruits of love are never free,
All I ask is one more suck
But you don’t even give a fuck,
Oh, please go down on me, Suckanya.
Your Thai husband threw me out,
Tell me what it’s all about,
Now you’re into sniffing glue,
Does this mean that we are through,
I love you with all my heart,
So don’t cut off my private part,
Oh, please go down on me, Suckanya.
(Melody: Battle Hymn of the Republic)
He started off at five, as the GM cried “On-On,”
Loping o’er the hedges to the blowin’ of the horn,
But the run it was a righty, and the poor bloke
went straight on, Oh,
he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
Chorus
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He ran through the bushes to the cheering of the throng,
Following their happy cries, he felt he wasn’t wrong,
But the cunning little bastards were just stringing him along,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He ran on through the forests as the daylight
turned to gray,
Searching for the flour, but it was far away,
And he knew he had to find it so he could run another day,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
It was approaching darkness, and many hills
he’d crossed,
He’d traversed mighty rivers, as he dreamt of
getting sauced,
But now he began to realize that he was just
fucking lost,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He ran on past small shacks lit with dim and
flickering tapers,
He damned the hare and co-hare for not laying
much more paper,
And also the “Pervert,” the bleeding fornicator,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He thought of all the hounds drinking Shiner at
the truck,
And the bastards who left early so that they
could have a fuck,
But our poor bloke was miles away, and he was
out of luck,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
Oh, in the gathering darkness, he ran o’er the
fields,
Trampling the new rice crops he could neither
see nor feel,
But the farmer he was watching, and he began
to squeal,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He thought that he might make it now, so gleefully he sang,
But then he glanced behind him, and the farmer
bared his fangs,
And reached into his waistband for his trusty
sharp parang,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
The farmer leapt out after him, his doorway still
unshut,
For the only thing he’d wanted in all his life was but,
Some Hasher’s balls adorning the mantel of his hut,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
In a blazing burst of speed our hound took off across the fields,
he farmer he was losing ground, but now his fate was sealed,
ahead there was a shiggy-pit with no bloody way to yield,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
He teetered on the edge of that dark and dismal pit,
And then, in desperation, he jumped into its midst,
And as he sank from sight he cried, “What a fucking crock of shit!”
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
So, if you go a’runnin’ upon a Sunday night,
And come across a shiggy-pit upon the left or right,
Remember our poor Hasher and his shit-i-i-ful plight,
Oh, he ain’t gonna Hash no more.
(Melody: Sweet Adeline)
Sweet Antoinette,
Your pants are wet.
You say it’s sweat.
It’s piss, I bet.
In all my dreams,
Your bare ass gleams.
You’re the wrecker,
Of my pecker,
Antoinette.
(Melody: Gilligan’s Island Theme)
Just sip yer brew and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a drunken hash.
That started with a keg of beer,
And everyone got trashed,
And everyone got trashed.
The first hare was a brainless cooch,
His co-hare was half as smart.
Two hundred some odd half-minds,
Took off in a cloud of farts.
Took off in a cloud of farts.
The hills got steep, the shiggy deep,
The back checks had them fooled.
Then someone found the beer stop,
And everybody drooled,
And everybody drooled.
The mud had sucked their sneakers off,
Their legs were ripped a lot.
But once they had their nectar,
The trail they soon forgot.
The trail they soon forgot.
The moral is no matter how,
Much shiggy’s on your trail,
A hashin’ twit don’t give a shit,
While he’s swilling his ale,
While he’s swilling his ale.
(By Babe Thruster. Melody: American Pie)
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
when flour was for baking bread.
And often on my training run,
It occurred to me this is no fun.
I’d rather be out drinking beer instead.
Then one day fate stepped in.
I was running with a new-found friend.
He told me there’s a group here,
that never gets too much beer.
I don’t recall if I was brash,
When I first heard all that half-mind trash.
But my life changed in a flash,
The day I found the hash.So…
Chorus
On, On, get your ass on the trail.
We’ve been on flour for an hour can’t let shiggy prevail.
‘Cause we know at the end we’ve got cold beer and ale,
And then, maybe I’ll do a down-down,
Maybe I’ll do a down-down.
Well, that day, I pulled in,
To where this hash was to begin,
And encountered quite a motley crew.
They hit me up for a little cash,
Then introduced me ’round the hash,
With nicknames that seemed to be quite crude.
They pulled me aside for a little talk,
To explain those markings made with chalk.
Then the whole group began to jam.
Man, I dig that Father Abraham!
With a sudden shout and a whistle blast,
The entire pack hit the trail at last.
And I was catching on real fast,
The day I found the hash.
And we were shouting….
Well, this trail was not hard to track,
But I noticed when I was looking back,
A hasher had gone astray.
He said, “I know these hares and where they’ll go,
We’ll be way ahead of the pack, you know.”
So I followed. Surely this guy knows the way.
But as the pack faded away,
His confidence fell to decay.
I thought we were so shrewd,
But now we’re really screwed!
So I turned back for a trail more true,
I was cussin’ that hasher and his mother too.
Yes, I was singin’ short-cutter’s blues,
The day I found the hash.
And we were shouting…
(As with original song, tempo changes here)
Twiggy shiggy, this swamp’s a biggie,
But I plunged right in just like a barn yard piggy,
And sank down to my balls.
The trail finally took some higher ground,
But a thorny vine my ankle found,
And like Humpty, I had a great fall.So now my
leg was streaked with blood,
As it flowed down through the dried-on mud,
But I guessed this was not rare,
‘Cause no one seemed to care.
And as I hashed on past shrub and tree,
I developed my philosophy,
That a shiggy trail’s the trail for me,
The day I found the hash,
And we were shouting….
Well, I was tired, I was glad to hear,
a hasher ahead yell out “beer near!”
This trail had reached the end.
And what I found made me shed a tear.
It was four ice chests packed full of beer,
‘Cause a cold one is a hasher’s favorite friend.
“Bring forth the virgin!” they began to yell,
then sang a song about heaven and hell,
I downed my first one fast,
Oh, but it would not be my last.
The down-down accusations flew,
We sang an obscene song or two.
Hey hasher, toss me another brew,
The day I found the hash.
And we were shouting…
And as so often does occur,
all the rest is just a blur.
But I had lots of fun they say.
And I kept going back for more.
My old friends now seem such a bore.
I prefer the hedonistic hashing way.
With this hasher’s life I’ve come to grips.
Vacations are all hash road trips.
New friends in each city,
Exposing ass and titty.
And I guess I’ll be a hashin’ guy,
Until the day I fuckin’ die.
But I won’t forget the day that I,
the day, I found the hash.
Forever singin’…
(Melody: The Brady Bunch)
Here’s the story,
Of a First Lady,
Who was fighting off three very naughty girls.
All of them have had Her Man, like the others,
The youngest one… or-al.
It’s the story, of a man Slick Willy,
Who was busy with three sharks of his own.
They were four men, dodging each other,
Over a land deal blown.
Till the one day when Lewinsky met this fellow.
And they lied about the times He was her Lunch,
Then this group, it somehow became scandle.
That’s the way they all became The Shady Bunch.
The Shady Bunch, The Shady Bunch,
(Melody: This Old Man)
This old man, he fucked one,
Fucking one was so much fun.
Chorus
With a nick -nack paddy-wack,
He gave the dog his bone,
Fucked his dog and made him moan.
This old man, he fucked two,
A sheep and then a kangaroo.
This old man, he fucked three,
Put mirrors up so he could see.
This old man, he fucked four,
After three he bought a whore.
This old man, he fucked five,
Two were dead and three alive.
This old man, he fucked six,
Had his sister turning tricks.
This old man, he fucked seven,
The youngest one was just eleven.
This old man, he fucked eight,
Blown by one and it felt great.
This old man, he fucked nine,
God this orgy’s just divine.
This old man, he fucked ten,
He shouted out, “Let’s do it again.”
This old man, he fucked eleven,
Died of V.D. and went to heaven.
With a nick-nack paddy-wack,
Now his dog is all alone,
No one left to make him moan.
(Melody: Three Blind Mice)
Three blind wanks,
Three blind wanks,
See how they yank,
See how they yank,
Their Mothers said,
They’d be blind if they wanked.
They yanked out their puds,
And away they did wank,
Three blind wanks,
Three blind wanks.
Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Hasher
(Melody: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star)
Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
(Melody: They Call the Wind Moriah)
Some of them are hairy,
Some of them are bald,
Some are kinda scary,
And this is what they’re called,
Chorus
VAGINA!, VAGINA!
They call that thing VAGINA!
Some belong to virgins,
They’re really tight and strong,
But big or small, I love ’em all,
And that’s why I sing my song,
(chorus)
Some are kinda smelly,
Like clams and fish and such,
Some smell like a summer’s eve,
‘Cause they’ve been douched too much.
(chorus)
(chorus)
Nothing could be finer than to be in a vagina in
the morning.
(Melody: Volare)
Sometimes, my sex life is a valley of heartaches
and tears,
And in the hustle and bustle, no stiffie appears.
But you and I don’t need to give up sex altogether,
There is a way our orgasms can last forever.
Viagra, oh oh!
For the mack daddy who’s old old old old!
Let’s freak at 7 o’clock.
But first, let me watch my Matlock.
Then I can show you positions,
I haven’t tried since 1976.
Hope my back doesn’t go out at the height of
our passionate bliss,
You don’t have to take off your dentures before
we kiss.
Viagra, oh oh!
I don’t feel old old old old!
No wonder my happy heart sings,
This pill beats those penis rings
Sometimes, my equipment doesn’t seem to be
functioning well,
I’ve tried everything like shots that make my
penis swell.
But you and I don’t need to give up sex altogether,
Thanks to this $10 pill, I can get it up forever.
Viagra, oh oh!
You’ve got me sold sold sold sold!
Even though I start seeing blue,
That won’t stop me from nailing you.
Doctor said there are other side effects,
That I might get from this pill.
I’ll get an upset stomach or my head might start
feeling ill,
But I don’t care, just as long as I get laid more
than President Bill.
Viagra, oh oh!
I wanna be a male ho ho ho ho!
Thank God for these pills of blue,
I feel like I’m 22.
No wonder I have a happy life,
Now I think I’ll go cheat on my wife.
(Melody: Jingle Bells)
Dashing down the trail,
With a cooler full of brew,
This beer tastes like hell,
What can we hashers do?
Chorus
Oh, Wanky’s beers, Wanky’s beers,
Wanky, you’re a dick.
When we drink your fucking piss,
It makes us fucking sick.
Oh, Wanky’s beers, Wanky’s beers,
We told you fucking twice,
When you pack those fucking beers,
You can’t forget the ice!
I drank a Wanky brew,
A down
-down I did do,
Now I’ve got that fucking brew
Caked upon my shoe.
The biermobile’s arrived,
On
-In time is here,
What fun it is to chug and puke,
Our Wanky’s putrid beer.
We sing this little song,
We sing it just for you,
Now we think it’s only right,
That you should drink one too.
(Melody: Oh, My Darlin’ Clementine)
From the distant dawn of mankind,
To the present state of bliss,
Evolution has refined us,
And the proof is simply this:
Chorus
We go hashing, we go hashing,
We go hashing once a week,
With the UnMasked hashers,
We go bonkers once a week.
Prehistoric treetop monkeys,
Taught us how to jump and fuck,
But they had no hashing spirit,
That we have is our good luck.
Cro-Magnon and other cavemen,
Did not live for very long,
They were just as wild as we are,
But they got the hashing wrong.
In the early Middle Ages,
Nuns and monks had little fun,
They had wine and fornication,
But they lacked a decent run.
Billy Shakespeare wrote a sonnet,
More than twenty pages long,
All about the joys of hashing,
We can do it in a song.
Recent surveys of the country,
Show that only magic will,
Save the nation from perdition,
And we have the saving skill.
Girls and boys and other sexes,
Stand up tall and sing out clear:
We shall never be athletic,
We just do it for the beer.
When Johnny Comes Marching Home
(Melody: When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with drip-ping dick,
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with drip-ping dick.
The men will cheer, the boys will shout,
The ladies will shun him and kick him out.
They’ll wish they’re gay when Johnny comes
marching home.
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with syph-illus,
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with syph-illus.
The wives will sorrow and lassies will cry,
They’ll miss the pleasures that made them sigh.
They’ll wish they’re gay when Johnny comes
marching home.
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with aids, with aids,
When Johnny comes marching home again,
with aids, with aids.
The funeral wreath is ready now,
The women will place it upon his brow.
They’ll wish they’re gay when Johnny comes
marching home.
When the End of the Month Rolls Around
(Melody: Caissons Go Rolling Along)
You can tell by the stain that she’s in a lot of pain,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her stance she’s got cotton in her pants,
When the end of the month rolls around.
Chorus
For it’s hi, hi, hee, in the Kotex industry,
Shout out your sizes loud and strong:
Junior, Regular, Super-Duper, Bale of Hay!
For where e’re we go you will always know,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her walk that you’ll sit around and talk,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by the blotch that she’s got a leaky crotch,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her eyes there is blood between her thighs,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her stance that she’s bleeding in her pants,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell that it itches by the way she always bitches,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by the stink that she isn’t in the pink,
When the end of the month rolls around.
(Melody: Take Me Out to the Ball Game)
Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd.
Dip it in peanuts and crackerjack,
I don’t care if you give it a whack,
Because it’s,
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don’t come it’s a shame.
It’s one, two,
And you’re covered in goo,
At the old ball game.
(Melody: Summer Nights (Grease))
Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast”
Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast”
Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me”
Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees”
Bill: “Summer days, sucking away, oh, I, but
those summer nights”
Grand Jury: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh.
Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best”
Grand Jury: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr: “Did he cum on your dress?”
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh…Uh-huh….
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh….Uh-huh….
Bill: “Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp”
Monica: “The prez is sexy – he makes my panties damp”
Bill: “She gave me head, right in the White House”
Monica: “I said OK, just don’t come in my mouth”
Bill: “Summer days, gobbling away, oh, I, but
those summer nights”
Grand Jury:”Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh.
Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “He sounds like a swell guy”
Grand Jury:”Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr:”Did he tell you to lie?”
(Slower now)
Bill: “Press found out, it turned into a mess”
Monica: “He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress”
Bill: “She promised to lie, she made a vow”
Monica: “Wonder who is servicing him now”
Bill & Monica: “Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seam
But………oh Those White House Nights”
(Melody: Three Blind Mice)
Who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
It’s no fun,
It’s no fun,
You chase after women and what do you get?
You grumble and fumble and break out in
sweat,
You wake up at daylight just deeper in debt,
So who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
It’s no fun,
It’s no fun,
You meet a new women and go on a date,
You hug and you kiss and you think that it’s
great,
She gives you blue balls and you masturbate,
So, who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
It’s no fun,
It’s no fun,
He grunts and he gasps like he’s on a long run,
He’s in for a minute then he squirts on your
bum,
Then he falls asleep as soon as he’s done,
So who needs sex?
Who needs sex?
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen!
Pack: Yes?
Announcer: In this cage we have the U-rang-utang.
Pack: The U-rang-u-tang. Fantastic! Incredible!
Shut (the fuck) up and tell us about it!
The U-rang-u-tang is an animal that lives in the jungles of North Borneo and it has balls that are made of brass, so that when it goes swinging from tree to tree, it’s balls go u-tang, u-tang, utang, u-tang.
Chorus
Ohhhh, we’re off to see the Wild West Show-ooo,
The elephants and kang-a-roo-ooos,
Never mind the weather,
As long as we’re together,
We’re off to see the Wild West Show-o-oo!
The next hasher becomes the announcer as
above substituting the name of the next attraction in place of the U-rang-u-tang.
2 The Wild Man of Borneo lives in the mountains and once a year he comes down to eat. Once every two years he comes down to shit and once every three years he comes down for sex.
Member of Pack: No wonder they call him the fucking wild man of Borneo!
3 The Ooaah bird is a bird that lives in the rocky desert of North Africa. It has balls this long and legs this short so that each time it comes in for a landing it goes, “Oo-aah, Oo-aah, Oo-aah!”
4 The Asstrich lives in the deserts of Africa and whenever it sees its enemies, it buries its head in the sand and offers its ass.
5 The Porcupine is the only animal in the world that has a thousand and one pricks.
6 The Elephant has a ginormous appetite. In one day it easts two tons of sugar cane, one dozen bundles of bananas and twenty buckets or rice. Miss, don’t stand too near the elephant’s backside. Miss! Miss! Too late! Harry, dig her out.
7 The Winky Wanky bird, by some strange fate of nature, has the nervous system of its sexual organs connected to that of its eyelids, so everytime it wanks it winks. Hey lady! Stop throwing sand into that bird’s eyes.
8 The Fuckawee tribe is found in the grasslands of Africa. They are this short and the grass is this tall, so that every time they get lost, they will shout, “Where the fuck-ah-wee, where the fuck-ah-wee?”
9 The Gee-raffe is the only animal in the world that can walk into a bar and say, “The high-balls are on me!”
10 The Le-o-pard is the only animal in the world that has one spot for each day of the year.
Member of Pack: What about leap year?
Announcer: Stupid, you just lift up its tail.
11 The Rhinosauras is reputed to be the richest animal in the world. It’s name is derived from the Latin- rhino, eaning money; and sore-ass,
meaning piles… hence piles of money.
12 The Baiyee is like a long playing record. First you play it on this side (points to crotch of opposite member of sex), then you flip it over (turns demonstrator around) and play the other side (points to the demonstrator’s ass).
13 The Brr-Brr bird is a distant relative of the Oohaah bird and lives in the Antartic. When it lands, it drags its balls and says, “Brr, brr!”
14 The Sabertooth Tiger is a thousand pound pussy that can eat you!
15 The Khetat-Khetat bird is also a distant relative of the Oohaah bird. It has one ball made of brass and the other made of lead, so that when it
lands, its balls make the sound, “Khe-tat, Khetat, Khe-tat, Khe-tat!”
16 The Tattooed Lady has “FIRE” tattooed on
one thigh and “BRIMSTONE” on the other and every once in a while she makes some poor soul go down to hell.
17 The Gazelle farts as it leaps from place to
place and scientists are still trying to discover
whether it farts because it leaps or leaps because it farts.
18 (In this tank…) The Oct-i-pussy can suck you all over.
19 The Homosexual Sparrow will fly backwards for a lark.
20 The Tom Cat is the only pussy with a dick.
21 The Little White Rabbit keeps jumping from hole to hole to hole.
22 The Hare follows the little white rabbit and plugs his hole.
23 The Hash Hound follows the hare and the
little white rabbit and and tags them both.
24 The Go-rilla a big monkey who can fuck anything it wants.
Member of Pack: Hey, mister, I thought Gorillas were apes?
Announcer: Step inside here,
Sonny, and see if he can make a monkey out of you.
25 (The Fight between the Snake and the
Asstrich – long announcement to entertain or
bore the pack. The following is just an example
which may be expanded or diminished to impress or relieve the pack.)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner we have the World Champion – Snake.
Dressed in the black trunks this messenger of
Satan hailing from the Pits of Hell is eight feet
long, weighs in at twenty-two pounds and is hissin’ ready to go this evening.
He’s had thirty-five bouts – thirty-three
knockouts and two wins by demonic intervention.
In the other corner, we have the Ass-trich.
Dressed in the white trunks this flightless bird
hails from plains of Africa, reaches eight feet
tall and weighs in at one hundred and twentyfour pounds. He’s had twenty-six bouts, all wins by knockout.
Commentator 1: (Name of Commentator 2), as
you know, the Snake killed the Mongoose in his
last fight, gaining the WBC title- Wild Beast Championship.
Commentator 2- But you know, (name of Commentator 1), the Asstrich has vowed to take him
down to revenge the death of his friend and this
is going to be a grudge match to the finish.
Commentator 1- Well, it won’t be long now,
they’re joining the referee in the center of the
ring – Look Out! The Snake’s already trying to
get in the first bite. OK, the ref has them apart
and they’re heading back to their corners now.
Commentator 2- This promises to be an exciting evening if it keeps up.
Commentator 1- And there’s the bell for the first round and the snake’s losing no time. He’s striking at the head of the Asstrich- Ach-Oohhh, the
Asstrich has grabbed the snake with his beak
and is slinging him about, but- What’s this? The Snake is
crawling right into the Asstriches mouth, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Commentator 2- You know, (name of com 1),
the Snake did this same manuever two years ago
against the Lion… Watch… There he goes, right
out of the Asstrich’s asshole.
(Continue the round, embellishing as needed)
Commentator 1- Well, there’s goes the bell ending round one. The fighters are going to their corners and… What the hell? I mean, (com 2 name), what are they doing in the Asstrich’s corner?
Commentator 2- It looks like… yeah… they’re
giving him an enema. My guess is that the
Snake’s manuever has taken quite a toll on the fighting bird.
(Again, embellish with further rounds going to
the snake, until the pack becomes bored, then in the final round…)
Commentator 1- Look the snake is going in
again, but… Wait!… The Asstrich is reaching
back between his legs and is saying something
to his asshole. Did we catch that on the tele mike… Uh-Huh, he said – Can we say that? –
he said, “Now loop-de loop you bastard!” The referee is coming closer…
he’s counting… That’s it folks, it’s all over now
for the Snake, who’s digested for the count!
(Melody: Dixie)
I put my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Take it out. take it out, take it out,
RE-MOVE IT.”
I removed my finger from a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Put it back. put it back. put it back,
RE-PLACE IT.”
I replaced my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Turn it around, turn it around, turn it around,
RE-VOLVE IT.”
I revolved my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Turn it back, turn it back, turn it back.
RE-VERSE IT.”
I reversed my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
In and out, in and out, in and out,
RE-CIPROCATE IT.”
I reciprocated my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Speed it up, speed it up, speed it down.
AC-CELERATE IT.”
I accelerated my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my
soul,Slow it down, slow it down, slow it down,
RE-TARD IT.”
I retarded my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Once again, once again, once again,
RE-PEAT IT.”
I repeated my finger in a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Leave it in, leave it in, leave it in,
RE-LAX IT,”
I released my finger in a woodpecker’s hole, a
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Pull it out, pull it out, pull it out,
RE-TRACT IT.”
I retracted my finger from a woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Take a whiff, take a whiff, take a whiff,
RE-VOLTING.”
(Melody: Yellow Submarine)
In the town where I was born,
Lived a man who Hashed the land,
And he told us of his life,
In the back of Ryder trucks.
So we ran up to the sun,
Till we found the land of trucks,
And we lived a life of sleaze,
In our yellow Ryder truck.
Chorus
We all live in a yellow,
Ryder truck,
Yellow Ryder truck,
Yellow Ryder truck,
We all live in a yellow Ryder truck,
Yellow Ryder truck,
Yellow Ryder truck.
Most of our friends are all aboard,
Many more of them party next door,
And the Hashers begin to chant.
As we live a life of sleaze,
Every one of us has all we need,
Plenty of beer and lots of fucks,
In our yellow Ryder truck.
(Melody: Yesterday)
Yesterday,
All my muscles seemed to feel OK,
Now my body doesn’t work today,
Oh, I went hashing yesterday.
Muscles ache,
They’d be better if I’d stayed in bed,
Now it feels as if they’re made of lead,
Wish I’d stayed at home instead.
Why I ran that hash,
Was so rash,
But what the heck,
Now its clear,
I’m a mere,
Physical wreck.
Bloodshot eyes,
And my tongue is twice its normal size,
Its at times like this I realize,
Hashing isn’t all that wise.
Why I drank that beer,
Isn’t clear,
It’s just a blur,
I don’t feel so young,
And my tongue,
As lined with fur.
Yesterday,
Running seemed a healthy game to play,
Now my body is in disarray,
Oh, I went hashing yesterday,
(mmm-mm-mmm).
(Melody: Camptown Races)
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi,
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo,
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear.
Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear.
Yogi likes candy, Gummy Bears, Gummy Bears,
Yogi likes candy, Gummy, Gummy Bears.
Gummy, Gummy Bears, Gummy, Gummy Bears.
Yogi likes candy, Gummy, Gummy Bears.
Yogi has a girl friend, Susie, Susie
Yogi has a girl friend, Susie, Susie Bear…etc.
Susie likes it on the fridge, Polar, Polar,
Susie likes it on the fridge, Polar, Polar Bear…etc.
Susie likes it up the arse, Dirty, Dirty,
Susie likes it up the arse, Dirty, Dirty Bear…etc.
Yogi’s into whips and chains, Kinky, Kinky,
Yogi’s into whips and chains, Kinky, Kinky Bear…etc.
Susie has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly,
Susie has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly Bear…etc.
Yogi uses condoms Clever, Clever,
Yogi uses condoms Clever, Clever Bear…etc.
Susie had a little cub, Bastard, Bastard,
Susie had a little cub, Bastard, Bastard Bear…etc.
Susie asks for money, Hooker, Hooker,
Susie asks for money, Hooker, Hooker Bear…etc.
Yogi likes to role his on, Smokey, Smokey,
Yogi likes to role his on, Smokey, Smokey Bear…etc.
Boo Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala,
Boo Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala Bear…etc.
Yogi’s got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy,
Yogi’s got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy Bear…etc.
Yogi’s got a twelve inch cock, Lucky, Lucky,
Yogi’s got a twelve inch cock, Lucky, Lucky Bear…etc.
Boo Boo says he’s got one too, Liar, Liar,
Boo Boo says he’s got one too, Liar, Liar Bear…etc.
Susie likes it twice a day, Horny, Horny,
Susie likes it twice a day, Horny, Horny Bear…etc.
Susie sleeps in any bed, Teddy, Teddy,
Susie sleeps in any bed, Teddy, Teddy Bear…etc.
Yogi doesn’t wipe his butt, Brown, Brown,
Yogi doesn’t wipe his butt, Brown, Brown Bear…etc.
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker,
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker Bear…etc.
Yogi’s got an enemy, Ranger, Ranger
Yogi’s got an enemy, Ranger, Ranger Smith…etc.
Ranger puts a hole in it, Naughty, Naughty,
Ranger puts a hole in it, Naughty, Naughty Boy…etc.
Ranger likes the animals, Beastial, Beastial,
Ranger likes the animals, Beast-i-al-i-ty…etc.
(This can be a natural lead-in to Beastiality.)
You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hasher
(Melody: Hound Dog)
You ain’t nothin’ but a Hasher,
A-humpin’ all the time,
You ain’t nothin’ but a Hasher,
A-humpin’ all the time.
You ain’t never caught a hare,
And you ain’t no friend of mine.
When I said you was high class,
Well, that was just a lie,
When I said you was high class,
Well, that was just a lie.
You ain’t never caught a hare,
And you ain’t no friend of mine.
You ain’t nothin’ but a Hasher,
A-humpin’ all the time,
You ain’t nothin’ but a Hasher,
A-humpin’ all the time.
You ain’t never caught a hare,
And you ain’t no friend of mine.
Your Hand Was Made To Stroke My Gland
(Melody: This Land is Your Land)
Chorus
This hand is your hand, this gland is my gland,
So rub it slowly, to make my thing stand.
Let’s play forever, we’ll cum together,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.
As we were driving, on separate highways,
We heard the faint cries of “On On my way.”
With whistles blowing, the beer was flowing,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.
We showed up Friday and partied hardy,
We fucked till morning, and then we partied.
Played with each other, and soon discovered,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.
As we got closer, there was an odor,
It was your pussy, upon my boner.
Your tits were shaking, my balls were breaking,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.
In Jacksonville we all came together,
Showed tits and asses, despite the weather.
From the Emerald Coasters, to those with odors,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.
(Melody: Singing in the Rain)
Songmaster sings chorus solo:
Chorus
I’m singin’ in the rain,
Just singin’ in the rain.
What a glorious feeling,
I’m hap-hap-happy again…
First Hasher interrupts: “Wait a minute, wait a
minute, you need a little rythmn here… Here
everybody join in…” (On example of First
Hasher, pack swings back and forth with the
beat chanting:)
A-Zup-pa-ta, A-Zup-pa-ta, Aa-Zuup-paa-taaa,
(All sing)
I’m singin’ in the rain,
Just singin’ in the rain.
What a glorious feeling,
I’m hap-hap-happy again…
Second Hasher interrupts: “Wait a minute, wait
a minute, arms out”
(Everyone puts arms out, then sways back and
forth with the beat, chanting:)
A-Zup-pa-ta, A-Zup-pa-ta, Aa-Zuup-paa-taaa,
(All sing chorus…)
Third Hasher interrupts: “Wait a minute, wait a
minute, arms out”,
(everyone puts arms out), “Thumbs up”,
(everyone puts thumbs up), then everyone sways
back and forth with the beat, chanting:)
A-Zup-pa-ta, A-Zup-pa-ta, Aa-Zuup-paa-taaa,
(All sing chorus…)
(Going around the circle, the interruptions continue, with each hasher getting a turn, with
alternate finishes depending on the pack. Down
Downs are usually awarded after the song to
those who forget the sequence or screw it up or
fail to participate and pass it to the next person…)
Hands together.
Elbows back.
Chest out.
Stomach in.
Arse out.
Knees together.
Feet together.
Chin up.
Traditional finish
Tongue out. (Singing chorus with tongue out is
halarious.)
Brrrrrup! (Pack makes farting noise, sometimes
mooning with it.)
Alternate finish for adult packs and becoming
popular at European interhashes. Hashers who
fail to follow instructions are asked to leave
circle and given down downs later.
Hats off. (if any have them)
Shirts off.
Bras off. (if females have them)
Shorts (pants) down.
Underware (shorts) down.
Brrrrrup! (Those left in the circle make farting sound)
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