New to the Hash – Unmasked H3

Virgin Hasher

Don’t be alarmed, hashers are harmless. Don’t tell anyone, but we cum from varying backgrounds. We have lawyers, engineers, nurses, doctors, factory workers, etc., but you won’t be able to tell which is which. You see hashing is a way to bring out your alter ego, leaving your “real life” behind for a few hours and having fun with other like minds. There’s a good chance you work with, live next to, or even dated one of us. Hashing is not a secret club, just one that gets little publicity (and we like it that way).

So maybe you ran into a pack of hashers on your daily walk/run and asked WTF are they were doing; or,

Maybe you inadvertently met some half-minds at the local bar wearing matching dirty/torn/stinking running clothes and singing risqué songs; and,

Maybe, just maybe your curiosity or their jovial attitudes, convinced you to join them.

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There is no way, whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt that you’ll ever do anything to regret this decision.

That being said…

You are not a first-time hasher; you will be known as a virgin (congratulations on getting your cherry back).

There are very few things you’ll have to do to prepare for your first trail with the UnMasked Hash House Harriers, our standards are low and our morals are pretty much nonexistent.

You will be asked four simple questions on your first run, memorize these as the consequences for not knowing the answers are both outrageous and will make you look “special”.

Question #1- What is your mother-given name?

Your answer- I am NFN* (Bill, Mary, Jim, Ellen (use your mother given name)) – If you cannot fill in the blank, you should probably not be in our group and instead immediately report to a mental health clinic.

*NFN stands for No Fucking Name, but more on that later.

Question #2- Where are you from?

Your answer- Where ever you are from. Again, if you cannot answer this refer to the advice from question 1.

Question #3- Why are you here?

Your answer- To drink beer. Or any variation of those three words. Unacceptable answers: “because someone made me come”, “to exercise”, “to not have fun”, or “the police sent me”.

Question #4- Who made you cum?

Now this is a tricky one, you might be tempted to expound on your previous night’s companion, but that is not the right answer. If no one in specific invited you, just point to someone pretty, but point with your elbow -fingers are frowned upon-otherwise simply tell the group the hasher who invited you to the event. Be sure to use their hash name if they are a named hasher. Nerd (mother given) names are not desirable.

Terms

Dry bag– A bag containing a dry change of clothes and shoes. If it says on the trail information to bring one, it’s usually a good idea to bring one, if it doesn’t say it on the trail information, it’s usually a good idea to bring one.

Hares– The hashers laying the trail

Head Gear– Any type of hat/cranium coverage. Do not wear it into the center of the circle (exceptions during winter months)

Nerd Name– The mother given name that a hasher uses outside of hashing. Do not call a “named” hasher by their nerd name.

Pack– The group that follows the trail laid by the hares

Shiggy– Any type of terrain that the trail runs through that is not a sidewalk. This can include, but is not limited to; forests, rivers, swamps, tunnels, creeks, Mr. Johnson’s back yard, chemical plant run off canals, and massive thickets of blackberry bushes.

Shiggy gear– Garments that prevent aforementioned obstacles from hurting your precious hide. Usually just means soccer type socks/leggings and a long sleeve shirt/under armor.

Racist Bastard/Bitch: Someone that wears a competitive (5K, 10K Marathon) shirt to the hash. Hashing is not a competition, and racing on trail is frowned upon.

Vessel: A vessel could be your best friend at the Hash. Simply put, a vessel is a container for drinking out of.

Circle: The Circle is where we gather at the end of the trail to recognize the hares for the shitty trail; call out any trail violations, drink (beverage of choice) and other hash traditions. Reaching the “Circle” is what hashers thrive for.

Hash Marks: Hares will lay trail utilizing special hash marks. You’ll need to know what these are, or hang with a seasoned hasher. For a definition of the various hash marks, refer to the Hare Guide link.

That should sum it up. For any other questions you have, ask the bastard who invited you out or any of the wanks on trail (asking at the circle will be too late).

Welcum to the Hash

ON-ON!

Traditions

Rules: First of all this will be the ONLY time you see that word on this website. We don’t have _ules at the hash. We have traditions. Traditions vary by the kennel you hash with. Our GM has over 30 years of hashing, expanding across the US, Europe, Asia, Germany, etc… Traditions are picked up here and there and tailored to meet each kennel’s members. UnMasked has a few as well:

During “The Circle” at the end of the trail, the Religious Advisor (RA) will lead us in recognizing accomplishments and embarrassments that occurred on trail. First and foremost, you don’t have to be guilty, just accused (it’s all in good fun). If you’re called out in circle, just smile, grab your beverage of choice and proceed to the center.

New Shoes: If you show up wearing new shoes, it could be a sign of bragging about your wealth or desire to outdo other wanks. For this heinous crime you will be called out into the circle. You will be asked to take your (now dirty) shoes off and select one to use as your vessel. Not to worry, as it would be a slight on the RA if you were not offered the chance to select a filter from a wank or wankette to filter the beverage of choice from the can/bottle to the shoe. Use your imagination. As we sing you a song, you will consume the beverage of choice, remembering that “What doesn’t go in you, goes on you.”

Drama: Drama is not allowed at the hash, unless you’re putting on a skit for our entertainment. Keep you baggage at home. If you’re caught causing drama, you will be shamed in the circle.

Racist Behavior: Hashing is not a competitive event. If you wear a competitive shirt/attire, try and beat another hasher on trail, etc…, you will be shamed in the circle.

Hash Attire: (Virgins are exempt) You will be expected to wear some form of hash attire during the hash, be it a shirt, shorts, socks, etc… If not, you’ll be shamed in the circle

Whistles: Whistles are a safety device that will let others know where you are. Whether you’re lost in the woods, or simply finding a lost trail, your whistle helps others know your where abouts. (No hashers left behind).

Birthdays: You will be recognized for significant birthday milestones. One way of recognizing you would be to make you a cake. Now, hashers make their cake during circle. You will be brought to the center, and one by one, the ingredients will be mixed together, on your person. Eggs, Milk, flour, sprinkles, etc…

Songs: (Virgins are exempt) You may be called out to give us a song. Don’t worry, you won’t have to sing it alone. If you can’t name a song (that hasn’t already been sung), you will be shamed in the circle, and the RA will go to another person. Don’t be without a song or two. There are hundreds listed on this website, so have your technology near by so that you can easily pick one.